'Below Deck': The Crew Encounters "Dry Land, Damp Eyes" As It Wraps Up Its Final Charter

As Tuesday night’s Below Deck finale breathed its last breaths, Chef Ben equated a yachting season to “a really, really good book” that you wish would never end. Funny you should put it that way, Chef Ben. Because I’d say watching the second season of reality television program Below Deck has been like reading a really, really good book. I did not want it to end. And I feel like a pile of aimless sludge now that BD Season 2 is no more. (Don't worry about me. I'll be fine once Bravo unleashes what I predict will be a perfect third season of Vanderpump Rules into the television wild. And yes, my expectations are entirely reasonable.)

So, how did the season conclude? Let's see here...

  • Primary Charter Guest Dean (well, well, well. Looks like we have ourselves a return charter guest), aka Kate's charter guest soulmate, seemed like the happiest of clams. (And not just any clam, but a clam with a wallet full of clams to hand to Captain Lee at the end of the charter.)
  • Per PCG Dean's request, Kate and the Stew Crew threw the charter guests a theme party (to my dismay, it was not a Pirate Scavenger hunt-themed party. But Disco Jungle worked. There were streamers and green lights and everything), and the charter guests seemed like happy clams.
  • Ben and Kate resolved their Chef vs. Chief Stew issues. They shared a moment. They seemed like happy clams.
  • Kate apologized to Amy for unintentionally making Amy feel like she wasn't a part of the Stew Crew. Amy accepted the apology. Both seemed like happy clams.
  • Amy and Kat exchanged hugs goodbye and seemed to be totally fine with each other. They sang some lullabies to the incident that put a strain on their relationship, and then tucked it in and turned out the lights. They put their past issues right. To. Bed. Amy and Kat seemed like happy clams.
  • Captain Lee called the crew a bunch of whiners and dumped a bag of pacifiers on the crew mess table. But it was all in good fun. CLASSIC CAPTAIN LEE MOVE. He seemed like a happy clam.
  • Logan said he didn't get drunk and hook up with a stew and tarnish his reputation. He seemed like a happy clam.
  • Eddie had the opportunity hit the deck crew with knowledge bombs about duck genitalia. He seemed like a very happy clam, second only to PCG Dean.
  • …Aaaaaand then, there's Jennice and Kelley. [Removes glasses and sets face in hands.] Throughout the finale, Jennice tried to get Kelley to discuss their post-Ohana relationship status. She hinted at moving in together. Kelley hopped around the topic for as long as possible. I felt bad for Jennice, but I couldn't fault Kelley for not being ready to live with the girl he just met at summer camp, er, on a deck crew. It was all happening so fast! And then, this went down: [Embed] Oof. <img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/07fa1710-3bec-0132-411e-0ebc4eccb42f.gif?w=320"/> NOT A HAPPY CLAM SITCH. NOT A HAPPY CLAM SITCH. NOT A HAPPY CLAM SITCH.

Sticking with the mollusk theme, I will sum up this season of Below Deck thusly: It was a pearl that'd been extracted from a generous and beneficent oyster. I miss it already.

Images: Bravo; mtv/tumblr