I don't know about you, but I'm the kind of person who likes to maintain a level of honesty with myself. I don't like to pretend I'm a shoe when I'm a hat, you know? (Shout out to my Friends fans.) So, if I have to be completely honest with myself and with the world, I am mostly interested in Fifty Shades of Grey for the sex, badly researched though it may be. Which is kind of the entire plot, so I think I'm totally justified in that. We're only about two weeks away from the release of the Fifty Shades of Grey film adaptation starring Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson, and I firmly believe there are likeminded people out there in the world. People who have copies of the novel. People who just want to know where the sex scenes are. Well, allow me to provide you with that service. Because I am just that giving.
Fifty Shades either has more sex scenes than you thought or less sex scenes than you thought — but it's definitely got a lot of them. I've put all 14 of them in chronological order by the page numbers, and even given you context for the kind of sex they have. Sorry, this isn't just a simple list of the sexiest moments in Fifty Shades of Grey . If no one had an orgasm, you won't find it listed below. Let's dive right in.
Page 111 to 122
What Happens: After introducing her to his list of rules and his "singular" tastes post-nondisclosure agreement, Ana reveals that she's actually a virgin. Christian decides to make love to her for her first time.
Page 134 to 142
What Happens: Ana is still sore from the whole loss-of-virginity thing, so Christian gives her an oral exam. Ha ha. Ha ha. She passes.
Page 190 to 196
What Happens: While Ana is mulling over the contract and its stipulations, Christian decides to remind her how "nice" a time they have together.
What Happens: Ana has a sex dream.
Page 262 to 268
What Happens: Ana isn't grateful that Christian bought her a car, so he takes her inside to have the sexy times.
Page 272 to 276
What Happens: Christian gives Ana an introduction to roleplaying.
Page 318 to 329
What Happens: Ana gets on birth control and then, well. There's a riding crop involved. Very, very involved.
Page 348 to 350
What Happens: Ana refused to let Christian feel her up in front of her parents during family dinner, so instead he has sex with her in his parents' boathouse and doesn't let her orgasm.
Page 362 to 366
What Happens: Ben Wa balls. That's what happens.
Page 371 to 372
What Happens: The day after the Ben Wa balls, they have sex on his desk before parting ways.
Page 427 to 430
What Happens: They have a fight, and then they make up.
Page 437 to 438
What Happens: Twice.
Page 479 to 480
What Happens: Christian is, like, really happy to see her.
Page 484 to 492
What Happens: He wanted her ready and in his playroom in 15 minutes. He got his wish.
And there you have it, folks. What happens to Christian and Ana after that is for the movie to reveal — or for you to read the book and find out for yourself. Either way, we might all need to fan ourselves now.