These 'PLL' Theories Are Just So Wrong

First it was the Black Swan. Then it was Red Coat. We cracked the code on the identities of these A suspects and now, in Season 5 of Pretty Little Liars, we have our eyes on yet another elusive character — the mysterious Varjak, whose name he (or she?!) stole from a Breakfast at Tiffany's character. Cue Pretty Little Liars fans' copious Varjack theories. There are about a million out there.

Now, unlike the literary Paul Varjak, PLL's Varjack isn't exactly the romantic hero of the story. Just like with Red Coat and the Black Swan before him, this Varjak character has some potential ties to A, if Varjak isn't Big A himself. We know that he ordered Cyrus to be lit on fire and hired a lawyer to help convince the lawyers that it was Ali who murdered Mona. Varjak is a real bad dude — now we just need to know who he actually is.

But while we know just enough about Varjak to start speculating about his identity, there are some theories on the internet that just don't hold water. It's easy to see suspects when literally every person on Pretty Little Liars is shady as hell, but that doesn't mean that all of the potential suspects are valid. Here are the Varjak suspects that we can take off the list.

Alison

Ali gets the blame for a lot of things — Mona's murder, all those A texts, being an unfeeling sociopath — but unless the Pretty Little Liars writers are really trying to screw with our heads, I think it's fair to say that Ali isn't Varjak. Physically it isn't possible — she's been in prison! She may know who this Varjak character is, but it's doubtful that she is Varjak or is even in cahoots with him at this point. That's not to say she isn't a part of the Varjak story — the person seems to have some sort of passion for Ali, but whether that's obsessive love or obsessive hate has yet to be seen.

Ezra

I know, I know — Ezra actually makes SOME sense as Varjak. He's the one who likened Ali to Holly, and he's always talking about his "writing" without actually ever producing any work. But in terms of Ezra being Varjak, I'm a little skeptical — we thought that Ezra was A for the longest time, and that turned out to be just another red herring. While it's not physically impossible for Ezra to do the work of Varjak (he does mysteriously dip out of the Brew for random trips) it's just a little too late for Ezra to be a big bad. If he was going to be one, it would have been in his hoodie-wearing days.

Mona

Until someone tells us otherwise, let's assume that Mona is really, truly dead. Her death has been confirmed by actress Janel Parrish and the writers, so unless they're really looking to trick us, we can assume the dead body that we saw is actually Mona's — which means she isn't Varjak.

Aria

Guys... no. Let this one go. Please.

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