Varjack, Varjack, Varjack: This season on Pretty Little Liars, it’s been all about Varjack theories. The liars have been trying to figure out who he (or she) is, what s/he wants from them, what s/he has to do with A, and how the heck to get rid of him or her. Of course, Pretty Little Liars fans have plenty to say about this, and the Internet has exploded with more Varjack theories than I know what to do with. Of course, this is one of the best things about PLL: The fans are so ferocious and dedicated to tracking down and working out theories and spoilers that it would take you weeks to get through all of the ideas. But some theories are better than others, Varjack's included.
While all Pretty Little Liars fans would love to continue to ‘ship Ashley and Jason as a couple, well, it’s just not going to happen. Neither is the endgame of Aria’s dad Byron being A or Toby still being a part of the A team. While there are some good ideas out there, many of the theories on Tumblr and Reddit are not that feasible, which brings us back to all of this Varjack chatter.
Some Varjack theories are just aren't even possible, and I, unfortunately, am here to burst some of those bubbles right now. I’ll be judging these theories on a scale of one to five, one being the least likely and five being the most. Sorry, Internet.
right-hand lady (or is Ali CeCe’s right-hand lady?), CeCe is always ready to
kill a guy or bury a body if you need her to. This theory goes that CeCe
essentially molded Ali into what CeCe wanted her to be, just like Audrey
Hepburn’s characters of Eliza Doolittle and Holly Golightly. Who has been
called Holly Golightly on the show? Ali, duh.
Grade 3: I mean, this could happen, but it won’t happen. Why? Pretty Little Liars loves to throw in a red herring or thirty, and since viewers already think CeCe is evil, this one is totally too easy.
This is a
fairly new addition to the Varjack list, but, for those of you who don’t
remember, Sara Harvey is a girl with a similar build and look as Ali who went
missing around the same time as Ali did. Blonde, a queen bee, and kind of a
brat: sound familiar? This theory goes that Hanna is actually Big A, and
because she “found” Sara Harvey, Sara is her little helper. The phone number on
Varjack’s pizza receipt spells out her name. Hmm… circumstantial at best.
Grade 2: Sara is too small a player on PLL to be featured so prominently in its endgame. She was mentioned in like, three episodes? I think the phone number thing is a happy coincidence. Marlene King won’t let Varjack be someone we don’t know.
Wren & Colin
accents of these two Brit roommates may obscure their devious tendencies, but
does it mean they’re both a Varjack collective? The theory goes that Colin
isn’t even Wren’s roommate: He was just in Wren’s apartment to keep Spencer
from snooping around while he and Melissa were on “holiday." What do you have
to hide, Wren?
Grade 3: While I agree that it’s weird to introduce a new character (let alone a love interest) this late in the game, this is kind of a big bomb to drop with a person we’ve only seen twice. After all, Spencer is still kinda technically with Toby, so I don’t really foresee Colin coming back onto our screens anytime soon. Also, everyone knows that Wren is the Uber A, not Varjack.
where it gets juicy, folks! After all, everyone loves a mole (well, except for
the people who are being cheated by the mole). MTV News wrote that Aria’s Varjack tendencies were given away by
the cat jacket she wore a few episodes back. Apparently, Varjack Paw is “a 2003
novel written by British author S. F. Said, [that] follows the harrowing … adventures
of a small Mesopotamian dark blue cat.” Cat, you say, huh? Holly Golightly also
had a cat.
Grade 4: Now we’re getting somewhere! Pretty Little Liars loves a big-time betrayal, and Aria is just the ticket. They’re really drilling the Audrey Hepburn references in this season, so I think this theory may be onto something.
theory really focuses on the Holly Golightly repetition of Pretty Little Liars, and it’s a simple one. Ezra was the first
person to call Ali Holly Golightly, thus, he must be Varjack. Easy one, right?
Grade 5: If Ezra is not Varjack or A or someone evil, I will flip my lid. He was almost A, and then he wasn’t, and he needs to be. Ezra is a scourge on this show, and I’ll only be okay with him still being on it if he is A or Varjack. That’s all.
There you have it: I’ve combed through the most popular of Varjack theories. Plausible or not, we’ll just have to tune in to see which one (if any) is right.
Image: ABC Family/Eric McCandless; giphy (5)