The Five Stages Of Coping With Unexpected Snow On The First Day Of Spring

A funny thing happened this morning as I grabbed my coffee and booted up my computer: I looked out the window… and realized that it was snowing. On the first day of spring. And, in fact, it is still snowing now. It is snowing on the first day of spring, and I cannot deal with it. Will this horrible winter never end?!

You'd think I'd be fully equipped to deal with snow at this stage in the game; after all, I grew up in Massachusetts. I vividly remember the April Fool's Day Blizzard of 1997, which dumped absurd amounts of snow on the region as some sort of impeccably-timed cosmic joke. But after spending my entire adult life — roughly 12 years — in the Tri-State Area seem to have softened me up somewhat. Sure, the winters are still no cakewalk here — but if we learned nothing else from the record-breaking amounts of snow the Boston area has gotten this winter, it's that us Tri-Staters have it comparatively easy.

And that is why I am finding it so difficult to cope with the cold, icy bits currently drifting from the sky. It's true that it's less of a storm and more of a gentle snowfall… but that doesn't make me feel any better about it, largely because today marks this year's spring equinox. There's even a Google Doodle to prove it, full of brightly colored flowers and a cheerful honeybee buzzing amongst them. But alas, there will be no flowers in the garden outside my window anytime soon; in spite of the fact that the past week or so has been relatively warm — warm enough for me to swap out my winter wool coat for a lighter one — the temperature has dropped once again and chilly whiteness blankets the ground.

As you might expect, I went through quite an emotional roller coaster as I attempted to come to terms with this latest batch of winter. In fact, I'm pretty sure I covered all five stages of grief as described by the classic Kubler-Ross model. It looked not too dissimilar to this:

1. Denial

“Oh. It's snowing... It's snowing?!"

"No. No, no, no, no, no. We are done with the snow. There is no snow. The snow is a figment of my fevered and overactive imagination."

"I can't hear you, snow! I'm sticking my fingers in my ears! La la la la la la la!”

2. Anger

“RAWR!"

"I WILL FIGHT YOU, SNOW! I WILL FIGHT YOU TO THE DEATH!"

"FOR THOU HAST INCURRED THE WRATH OF THE FREEZING COLD LUCIA!”

3. Bargaining

“Oh, come on, winter. Haven't you had your fun? I know you're a reasonable... erm... entity."

"If you just… go away, you can have a few extra days next year. You can have an entire extra month, if you want."

"You can even arrive early — I don't mind snow in October. Really. Just, for the love of all that is holy, LET THE SUNSHINE IN.”

4. Depression

“Winter… will never end. Ever. Never again shall we feel the warmth of the summer sun on our skin... never again shall we experience the joy of diving into a welcoming body of water on a hot day..."

"Never again shall we taste the deliciousness of ice cream without freezing our butts off."

"The White Queen Jadis has won!"

"And she has turned Queen Elsa of Arendelle over to the dark side, as well!"

"All is lost! Lost, I tell you!”

5. Acceptance

“OK. Fine. You win this time, winter."

"At least I don't have to leave the house today. I guess I'll just bundle up in my coziest sweatpants, make myself a cup of something warm, and wait for this whole thing to blow over.

"Hey, maybe this is actually winter's last gasp! Maybe it knows it only has so much time left. I should just let it have this one thing. Its days are numbered, anyway.”

“Are we square? Yeah, winter. We're square."

Images: Giphy (22)