Possible Taylor Swift “Bad Blood” Music Video Scenarios Based On Her Epic Teasers, Because There Is Just So Much Going On In Them — UPDATE

On Saturday, May 16, Taylor Swift tweeted yet another image teasing her highly anticipated music video "Bad Blood," which will premiere at the 2015 Billboard Music Awards on Sunday, May 17. Other than making the wait all the more tortuous for us (thanks, Taylor), the litany of teaser images have revealed this one indisputable fact: literally everyone is going to be making an appearance in "Bad Blood." I'm pretty sure I even saw my mom beaming in one of Swift's Instagram photos, and yes I completely made that last statement up, but the point is there are a lot of stars set to make appearances in this music video. My thorough research — i.e., my periodic visits to Swift's Instagram account — tells me that 16 stars have already been confirmed to make appearances, including Hayley Williams, Lena Dunham, Mariska Hargitay, and Cindy Crawford! Cindy Crawford, people!! WHAT?!

Swift may be debuting a song about "Bad Blood," but she sure seems to have a lot of friends. I know that "band-aids don't fix bullet holes" but you know what can really help ameliorate emotional wounds? A wildly successful music career that includes a massive entourage of the most famous friends a girl could ask for. Well done, Swift. Well. Done. The latest teaser image includes Swift's "Bad Blood" persona, Catastrophe, posing back-to-back with model Martha Hunt's persona, Homeslice.

It appears that the two are going to be playing rivals in the music video, but based on Hunt's various accolades for Swift via tweet, the two are totes BFFs in real life.

Come to think of it, is there anyone who isn't currently BFFs with Swift? Well, I'm not *sad face* and I suppose whoever "Bad Blood" was written about isn't. Then again, our favorite country-turned-pop singer has been known to "Shake It Off" when it comes to drama, so for all we know the two could have quietly reconciled by now.

Update: Just when you thought this anticipated video couldn't possibly be more star-studded, Swift threw another teaser image at us on May 16 via Twitter which included one Ms. Selena Gomez a.k.a. phenomenal pop singer/actress and Swift's long-time friend:

Seriously, guys, everyone and their mother is seemingly starring in this music video! To reiterate my aforementioned statement, my mother is still not going to be starring in this music video, but it's cool.

So what exactly is going to be happening in this star-studded music video? We can tell that there's some definite Sin City inspiration based on the slew of sneak peeks, but what exactly is going to go down? As we continue to wait with breaths that are bated, I am here to offer some hypothetical story arcs that could take place in "Bad Blood". Enjoy!

Cindy Crawford Might Be The Head Honcho

With a name like "Headmistress," it seems fairly obvious that Cindy Crawford's character will be the one dishing out orders. Maybe she'll be like Bosley was in Charlie's Angels, except way more sinister and with decidedly villainous missions up her sleeve.

Mariska Hargitay May Be Out For Blood — But Whose?!

Hargitay has plenty of crime-fighting experience from her days starring on Law & Order: SVU, and with a name like "Justice," it's clear that she has an axe to grind. Is she seeking justice in a moral way or is she going to use a maniacal "whatever it takes" approach? I'm going to guess the latter.

Zendaya Could Be One Of The Most Villainous Of All

Judging by the way Zendaya's "Cut-Throat" is handling that knife, she's definitely not messing around, and looks to be the quintessential sassy villain. Antihero? Anti-um-NO! She's gonna be pure villain all the way.

There Could Be Some Epic Fight Scenes

Duh. Obviously our assassins (they're all assassins of some sort, right?) will be engaging in some epic battles throughout the course of the video. I don't think anyone will be safe from some sort of smack-down.

The Biggest Battle Might Occur Between Catastrophe & Homeslice

As mentioned, Catastrophe and Homeslice definitely seem to be rivals, and I have a feeling Homeslice is based on the person for which "Bad Blood" was written.

In The End, Everyone Probably Becomes BFFs

Ever since "Blank Space," we've noticed Swift treading into decidedly darker territory in her music videos — and I love it! "Bad Blood" is definitely going to kick that darkness up a notch, but we all know that — in reality — Swift is just as awesomely sweet as they come. Perhaps during a climatic battle, everyone will decide to "Shake It Off" and have one giant dance party.

Images: Giphy (4)