If I had to pick my most embarrassing talent, it would be my hardcore social media sleuthing skills. Give me the slightest detail about a person and, mark my words, I will find every one of their social media accounts and deduce intimate details about their life from their posts and pictures like a stalker-y, millennial Nancy Drew. I try to only use my powers for good, like when I stalk current and former Bachelorette contestants to analyze what their posts can tell me about the show. Which brings my to the foremost question of this article: what can we learn from Ben Z.'s Instagram?
I am riding the Ben Z. for Bachelor train pretty hard after his unexpected exit from The Bachelorette (she kept CUPCAKE longer than Ben Z., what even was that?!) and so I have been keeping quite the watchful eye on his social media accounts lest he let something slip, a la Kaitlyn Bristowe's spoiler Snapchat story, about his potential future as the Bachelor.
Though I might not be picking up too many Bachelor clues this early in the game, my Instagram stalking is teaching me a myriad of new things about Ben Z. a.k.a Ben Zorn, fitness extraordinaire and the future father of my extremely buff children. For those of you with, like, real jobs and responsibilities and stuff who don't have time to obsessively stalk all the Bachelorette contestants, I am putting all of the latest Ben Z. data, analyses, and conjectures in one place for you viewing pleasure.
It Looks Like He's Single
According to Ben Z.'s Instagram, he spends most of his free time golfing, watching sports, working out, cooking, and hanging out with his bros. There doesn't seem to be a lucky lady in his life (because he's obviously holding out 'til he's the Bachelor and ladies compete to be his wife, duh).
Ben Z. Has A Hot Brother Z.
Ben Z. lovers, meet Sebastian Z., Ben's smokin' little brother. Clearly a family with good genes.
Ben Z. Can Get You Fit
(Even from afar).
He's Not Afraid of Snakes
Remember that panic room date where Kaitlyn freaked out about the birds and Ben Z. had to traipse through the Indiana Jones-esque room of snakes, despite his crippling fear of snakes? Yeah, apparently we were lied to about his deadly fear.
He Can Cook
Another attribute on my list of reasons why Ben Z. would be the perfect husband.
He's Hashtagging His Photos #BachelorBen
This has GOT to be a sign.
He's Killing It With the Photoshoots
He's getting in loads of practice for when he's the Bachelor and has to take endless photos of him gazing off into the distance with a look of far off wonderment in his eyes.
He's Great At His Job
Through my Instagram lurking on Ben Z.'s profile, it's blatantly obvious that he cares so much about what he does and truly lives to help other people become the best, healthiest versions of themselves.
His Full Name Is Benedikt
Talk about a curve ball.
Image: ABC (screenshot)