9 ‘Bachelorette’ Trainwrecks Who Should Be The Next Bachelor, Because Nothing Makes For Better TV Than A Hot Mess Like Ian
There's a reason you can't look away from a metaphorical trainwreck - it's mesmerizing to watch a disaster go down. We live in a society that loves drama and theatrics; we thrive on watching other people crash and burn. That's why we love shows like The Bachelorette, which is why one of these 9 Bachelorette trainwrecks should be the next Bachelor.
You're probably asking yourself, "Why should one of these guys be the Bachelor? They're such jerks." To which I say, "They should be the Bachelor because they're such jerks." A show that's so formulaic can grow old after a while. What would keep things fresh? Why, if the next Bachelor was a hot mess, of course.
Thankfully, Kaitlyn's season of The Bachelorette has no shortage of hot messes. It seems like at least half of the dudes collapsed into a heap of tears, flew into a fit of rage, or just generally revealed what jerks they were at some point this season. The focus of the season was less on Kaitlyn finding a husband and more on Kaitlyn babysitting and disciplining a group of egotistical man-children.
Thankfully for Kaitlyn (but sadly for us), most of these idiots are no longer on the show at this point in the season so I've taken it upon myself to jog your memories as we revisit these 9 trainwrecks that should be the next Bachelor.
There was a part of me that always loathed Tony. He was too much and he just seemed like one of those people who might snap at any minute and go on a killing spree in Whole Foods. Which is why he would make a hilarious edition to the Bachelor family. It would be great. He'd bring his bonsai tree and go on hippy-dippy dates making homemade granola with girls who don't shave their armpits. There's no way that could be boring.
I liked Ian at first. He's attractive, intelligent, and had to overcome a serious struggle in his life. But then he exposed his very flagrant inner-douchebag. If I were Kaitlyn, I would have responded to his accusations that she went on The Bachelorette to make out with a bunch of dudes on TV with a resounding, "Duh. That's why everyone goes on The Bachelorette." Ian would probably be super offensive and arrogant all season which would undoubtedly turn his suitors off and result in (hopefully) some public humiliation. You know what they say about karma, Ian.
I don't know if I would label Cupcake a trainwreck... [thinks back to Cupcake sobbing on a cliffside in Ireland] Okay, so maybe he was a trainwreck. Cupcake is one of the few people on this list, though, who managed to make my trainwreck roster without being a total jerk.
I am still riding the Ryan M. train hard because his epic crash-and-burn might have been the most interesting thing to happen all season. Just imagine a season of The Bachelor where the Bach gets blackout drunk every episode. He could have dates where the winning beer pong team gets to spend extra time with him.
Oh, Clint (a.k.a. John Smith IRL). Clint could be the Bachelor but they could do a Shot At Love with Tila Tequila type twist ('cause we know how much The Bachelor loves a good twist) where half of the contests are girls and the other half are guys (and JJ will obviously come back to compete for Clint's heart). Spoiler alert: Clint + JJ = <3.
I don't think Kupah could have made a bigger fool of himself if he'd tried. There's nothing more hilarious to me than a guy with a bruised ego pretending that he's so above whatever it was that bruised his ego. Kupah's arrogance, combined with his easily-induced rage, would surely make for some excellent reality television.
Remember this guy? No? Well he's the one who was an amateur sex coach. I don't even think I need to follow up with anything here.
You probably don't remember Josh, either. Well, he is the lawyer/exotic dancer. Read: guy who couldn't pass the Bar so he started stripping while he studied to retake it and then realized he would be more successful as a 'dancer.' Trainwreck levels are off the charts with this one.
Poor Joe. He was doing alright until his far-from-graceful exit after Kaitlyn dumped him in Ireland. I know that some people liked him but I feel like his post-breakup behavior is indicative of his true demeanor.
Images: Craig Sjodin/ABC (10)