Although it “might sound crazy to people,” Chrissy Teigen has a unique way of honoring her late son Jack. In a recent interview with Scary Mommy, the Cravings author revealed that her family likes to take Jack’s ashes on family trips, adding that the practice has been especially meaningful for her kids.
“Whether we go on a vacation or something, they always say, ‘Don’t forget baby Jack.’ And then I have to pack him up,” Teigen said of 5-year-old Luna and three-year-old Miles. “And then we get to where we’re going, they’re like, ‘Oh my gosh, he must be thirsty.’ This might sound crazy to people, but they’ll put a little glass of water next to his little box of ashes. And they really love being a part of it.”
Teigen and her husband, singer-songwriter John Legend, first shared the news of their pregnancy loss on Instagram in Oct. 2020. Alongside emotional, black-and-white photos from the hospital, the Lip Sync Battle co-host expressed their shock and “deep pain,” explaining that doctors were “never able to stop the bleeding and give [their] baby the fluids he needed, despite bags of blood transfusions.”
Later that month, the cookbook author further reflected on the experience in an emotional essay for Medium. “I wrote this because I knew for me I needed to say something before I could move on from this and return back to life,” she wrote. “Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see.”
One year later, Teigen is still mourning. In September, she confessed that her body is a “daily reminder” of what should have been. “It’s really weird when you lose a baby and your body gets paused in time,” she wrote alongside a photo of her sitting in a closet. Having already given birth to two children, the model knew what to expect when it came to breastfeeding and postpartum depression, but pregnancy loss was something she couldn’t have prepared for.
“When you lose a baby halfway through, your body just pauses,” she continued. “It has nothing to do. No one to feed. And you’re just… stuck. Stuck with saggy boobs that were prepping to be milk bags, a belly that was ready to bake.” The 35-year-old went on to describe the experience as “diabolically sad,” especially because you’re reminded of what you lost every time you look in the mirror.
The following month, Teigen marked one year since her pregnancy loss with a heartbreaking tribute to her late son on social media. “To the son we almost had,” she wrote next to photo of herself crying in the hospital with Legend at her bedside. “A year ago you gave me the greatest pain I could ever imagine to show me I could survive anything, even if I didn’t want to.”
“I didn’t get to take care of you but you came and went to get me to love myself and take care of myself because our bodies are precious and life is a miracle,” she continued. “They told me it would get easier but yeah, that hasn’t started yet. mom and dad love you forever.”