When imaging all the things that might turn your partner on, the mind usually wanders to the stereotypically "sexy" things some people enjoy. But when it comes to turn ons, there are actually quite a few quirky, endearing, everyday moments that can do the trick, too — and fill your partner with butterflies.
Because really, isn't it the little things that stand out when you think about what makes your partner attractive to you? Think along the lines of catching your partner reading their favorite book, spotting them across the room at a party as they tell a great story, or simply glancing in their direction right as they adjust their glasses. These small moments and gestures are what make your partner so unique. And it all adds up to what makes them attractive, in your eyes.
And the thing to remember is that they're noticing the same things about you. As relationship and LGBT expert Kryss Shane, MS, MSW, LSW, LMSW tells Bustle, what we "may fail to realize is that the quirks and awkward moments may be what keeps the relationship growing. These intimate details may even be a turn-on for your partner!"
Even seemingly "gross" moments, like giving your partner a hug when you're sweaty, or standing next to each other as you brush your teeth, can be important. These little moments bring you closer together, and they can become exactly the thing that turns you both on. Here are a few surprising and quirky things that many people find attractive, according to the experts.
1. Doing Something You're Good At
If you're and your partner are in the mood to turn each other on, simply "do what you do best," Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C, director of the Baltimore Therapy Center tells Bustle. Whether it's playing the guitar, cooking your favorite meal, telling a great story, or simply making a cup of coffee, "when people do what they love and are good at, they radiate positive energy, confidence, and good vibes," Bilek says. "This is a real turn-on to a partner who knows you and cares about you."
2. Squinting Or Frowning
Ever notice that it's kinda endearing when your partner furrows their brow or squints to see something? Little facial expressions like these can be surprisingly sexy. And the good news is, we all do them without even trying.
"Whether looking far away, staring against the sun, or when looking for one’s glasses first thing in the morning — squinting can be funny and sexy," Caleb Backe, a health and wellness expert at Maple Holistics, tells Bustle. With zero effort at all, you can win make your partner's heart leap — simply by being yourself.
3. Playing An Instrument
As mentioned above, doing something you're good at can be a major turn-on, as it shows off your confidence with a certain skill. But this one in particular takes things to the next level, because it involves the intricate use of your hands.
"Hands are incredibly sensual," Backe says. "When watching someone show off a skill ... like musicality — and particularly when they are using their hands and fingertips — it can be a great turn on."
4. Grooming & Getting Ready To Go Out
Whether your partner is watching you shave, or brush your hair, there's no denying how sexy it can be to watch someone get ready for the day. And same goes for the the unconventional things mentioned above, such as brushing your teeth.
As Backe says, "Some things having to do with hygiene are not sexy, and some are. Those two brush-related activities are relatively innocuous, yet intimate ... And since partners also do those together sometimes, in the morning or before bed, it can be something which gets your juices flowing."
5. Chewing On A Pen
Twirling a pen or lightly chewing on a pencil can be enticing for some, too. "Even when not meant as a seductive technique, there is something there that is endearing," Backe says. "Maybe it the combination of the act and the fact that the person doing it is lost in thought. Either way, combined with a far-off gaze, it can be a sexy pose."
6. Playing With Kids
If you've ever fallen more in love with your partner after watching them play with their nieces and nephews, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. There's just something so sweet about holding a baby, or showing off your ability to play with kids, Backe says. It's wholesome, but can also get you and your partner thinking about having kids yourselves someday, if it's something you both want.
7. Being Honest & Truthful
There's something incredibly sexy about having a true heart-to-heart with your partner. "People are turned on by confidence, and someone who speaks in an unabashedly open, honest, and articulate way," can really turn their partner on, Backe says. Even if it's just about the goings on of your day, or something equally mundane, being honest and forthright with your partner can certainly bring you two closer together.
8. Singing In The Shower
If you have a great voice, it can be a major turn on for your partner to hear you belt it out in the shower. But what's even more endearing? If you totally can't sing, but go ahead and do it anyway.
Again, this is about your comfort and confidence — which are two very sexy traits. As Shane says, "Singing in the shower even when your partner is home may feel daunting (especially if you can't carry a tune in a bucket) but your off-key warbling might make your [partner] smile."
9. Socializing Together
It can be a turn-on for your partner to watch you in your element, doin' your thing, and making people laugh. As relationship expert and lifestyle strategist Alexis Germany tells Bustle, "An ex told me it turned him on to watch me socialize from across a crowded room when we were at an event together. [He] said he liked the way other people looked at me and it turned him on to know he was the one I was going home with." Endearing, right?
10. Being All Sweaty
While you might think it's gross to hang out with your partner when you're sweaty, there's a good chance they actually really like it. "When you forget to shower [after a workout] and your armpit sweat and endorphins are on high, if your partner is innately attracted to your pheromones, this will be a huge chemical turn on," dating and empowerment coach Laurel House tells Bustle. So don't run straight to the shower — give them a sweaty hug first.
11. Hanging Out & Relaxing
You might think sexiness is all trying hard. But lots of partners find their significant others to be incredibly attractive when they're just being themselves, and bumming around the house.
According to Germany, your partner might find it attractive when you relax in front of them, especially if you're "normally very polished and in control, [they] might find it cute to see [you] a little disheveled."
The takeaway here is that sexy moments can be found in the most unlikely of places: in the bathroom, whilst brushing your teeth, at a crowded party, etc. What's attractive is the confidence you're exuding, and your ability to be yourself. In little moments like these, your partner may find themselves feeling closer to you than ever — and even surprisingly turned on.