Bubba and Bubba are officially Mr. and Mrs. Bubba. Monday's Vanderpump Rules featured the second part of Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz's wedding. I can't believe it is over and done with. Seriously, how did they get married? They've truly come a long way from all of their annoying arguments. Of course, I wish nothing but the best for them and hope they work out. Like it goes with most every episode, their wedding was no exception in offering up all kinds of idiotic moments. Just like the first part, part two of Katie and Schwartz's wedding was ridiculous.
Surprisingly, the ceremony was pretty much perfection. From Lisa Vanderpump's words of wisdom to Schwartz serving up some beautiful vows (sorry, Katie, but he beat you in the vow department) to Jax Taylor actually shedding tears to everyone coming together without arguing, Katie and Tom's wedding went off without a hitch.
That's not to say there weren't some moments that made me cringe, roll my eyes, sigh with frustration, or laugh hysterically, because what else can you do when it comes to this reality series? With that, here's all of the ridiculousness that went down at Mr. and Mrs. Schwartz's big day.
1. The Speeches
I'm not one for wedding reception speeches. If someone is going to give a speech, let's only give one person that job. I don't need five million people rambling on. I would've gouged my eyes out if I were in attendance.
2. All Of The Swearing
In relation to the speeches, why did everyone who spoke "heartfelt" words need to swear/use the F-word? I'm not a prude by any means, but this is a wedding. Let's keep it classy and nice. The cursing also just goes to show immature some of these late 20s, 30s, and almost 40-year-olds are.
3. Stassi Serving LVP
Actually, this was an unforgettably great moment and I just had to include it. I love how Stassi did it, too. Lisa Vanderpump knows how to get what she wants. She's so "manipulative" isn't she?
4. Jax's Prank On Brittany
Jax joking with Brittany that things weren't going well in their relationship was not funny. But like the amazing woman she is, Brittany took it extremely well and even laughed it off.
5. Everyone's Blissfulness
I'm not buying that all of the Pump Rules couples are so head over heels in love and there is no drama at all. Come. On. I still don't believe Katie and Schwartz are 100 percent OK after everything they fought about. That doesn't just disappear. And what about, Kristen and Carter? Are they really that happy? Maybe they're obsessive PDA is getting to me. I think everyone was just really drunk and letting the wedding romance vibe blind them.
6. The First Dance
Was Katie and Schwartz's first dance choreographed? It sure looked like it and I do not like rehearsed first wedding dances. Stop trying so hard and just dance!
7. Sandoval's Trumpet
Sandoval "playing" the trumpet with the band was both fantastic and a disaster. I mean, at one point he was screeching his trumpet into the saxophone player's ear, who did not look pleased.
8. Schwartz Not Committing To "Tom Tom"
When LVP wants to form a business partnership with you, you do it no questions I asked. I get that Schwartz was a little overwhelmed with the wedding, but him not immediately saying "I do" to Lisa was just plain stupid.
9. Kristen's Ovulation
The most random quote from the episode had to be when Carter and Kristen were going back to their room at the end of the night and she declared that she wasn't "ovulating." TMI, Kristen.
10. Stassi Needing Ariana's Attention
Once again Stassi just couldn't stay away from Ariana and had to go explain to her why she really is a good person and they should totally be BFFs. Leave it alone, Stassi. By the way, Stassi is so Dorit Kemsley in this situation and Ariana is Erika Jayne. Stassi just desperately wants to be friends with the most supreme cast member.
11. Sandoval's "Tissue"
Best. Sandoval. Moment. Ever.
Keep those fingers crossed that the three-part reunion is as entertaining as the final two Season 5 wedding episodes.