Think about the most alluring people in your life; the ones who are so warm and inviting, and yet just a little bit mysterious. There's something about their personality that makes you want to get to know them better. But what, exactly, is so darn magnetizing? Well, as it turns out, there are a
few characteristics of an interesting person that can make them alluring. And, fortunately, they're pretty easy to emulate.
First up is their incredible ability to
make others feel comfortable, simply be being kind. "It is a goodness about a person that makes others want to come closer, learn more, and stay longer," marriage and family therapist Melissa Guarino tells Bustle. They're caring, and they make you feel heard when you're talking to them. But they're also just easy to be around.
These are all traits that can come in handy in life, especially when meeting new people. "Allure is something that people would want to emulate because it helps foster relationships with others," Guarino says. "As an alluring person, others want to be near to you, feel your love, and learn from you. As an alluring person, you draw goodness out of others and that is something many people look for in a friend, family member, or romantic relationship." Here are a few of the
best qualities all alluring people seem to have in common, so you can steal them for yourself. 1 They Have A Quiet Confidence
Alluring people definitely have their bad days, just like the rest of us. But they always find a way to
get back to feeling confident. And it's this confidence that makes them so nice to be around.
"When someone is secure in who they are, you don't have to worry about walking on eggshells or reassuring them that they are worthy of good things," Guarino says. "They know they are good and worthy, and you can exist with them in mutual relationship."
2 They Have Open Body Language
One way to fake confidence — until you work on building it up for real — is to make like alluring folks and project
open, positive body language. "This usually involves openness, smiling, touching [when other people are comfortable with it], and making and sustaining eye contact," certified counselor Jonathan Bennett tells Bustle. "They give off a 'vibe' of confidence, charm, and attractiveness that makes others want to talk to them and get to know them better." 3 They're Always Passionate About Something
Think of alluring people you know, and they probably have something they're passionate about, such as their job, their family, a hobby, etc. "This is alluring because passion is contagious," Guarino says. "When we hear someone speaking about what they are passionate about, even if it is not something we are interested in ourselves, we become captivated by just their passion. It draws us in."
4 They Want Others To Succeed
It's great if someone has goals and things they're passionate about. But the most alluring people also care about the goals and passions and others. And, on top of that, they don't hesitate to encourage others along the way.
"They encourage those around them to succeed, to be better versions of themselves, to hope, to dream, to travel," says Guarino. "This is alluring because everyone wants to be around someone who builds them up and supports them."
5 They're Respectful
Being alluring doesn't mean focusing on others 24/7. But it does mean being respectful, which is an incredibly alluring quality. "They speak and act in a respectful way, whether it is the CEO of a company or the person cleaning the bathroom," Guarino says. "This is alluring because they recognize the humanity in all individuals and respect the lives of each person. "
6 They Never Stop Learning
Alluring people aren't perfect, and they really don't strive to be. They do, however, keep bettering themselves by learning as much as they can. Whether that means reading, talking to new people, traveling, or taking classes, it seems they're always up to something.
And that's incredibly admirable. "These ... traits make for very interesting people to have in your circle,"
Dr. Theodoros Kousouli, DC, CHt, tells Bustle. "Human are drawn to knowledge of the unknown." So if you're in the process of learning something new, and feel like speaking passionately about it, people will likely flock to hear about it. 7 They're Just A Little Bit Mysterious
Whenever you meet someone who strikes you as alluring, you'll likely notice that they keep a little somethin' about themselves tucked away to share later on. For example, if you're on a date, they might not tell you
too much about themselves, so as to keep you guessing.
And this is a habit that has its benefits when it comes to drawing others in. "In business and personal life learning how to give enough information to pique someone's interest but not divulge all information is an art form that can be used to create a perceived mystique in your life,"
life coach Timothy Wenger tells Bustle. "This is an advantage, and people who are alluring sometimes use this technique without even knowing it." 8 They Make Everyone Feel Special
Alluring people have a way of making you feel like you're the only person in the room. "While speaking with someone they act ... like they are completely enthralled with the person they are in conversation with,"
brand and image consultant Christina Holt tells Bustle. "This is especially alluring in today's world where everyone is checking their phones, social media status, and are just generally distracted." It can be tough to avoid distractions, but sometimes it's as simple as putting your phone away, making great eye contact, and truly caring about what others are saying. 9 They're Charismatic
Charisma is another quality that can be hard to define. But usually it means someone has the ability to
speak to anyone about anything, in a friendly, genuine way. "They can speak to a marine biologist one minute and an economist the next and carry on a conversation with complete ease with either," says Holt. "They're not more intelligent than anyone else but they have a natural curiosity about a variety of things that allow them to be at ease with anyone — which in turn just draws more people to them." And, this quality goes hand-in-hand with making others feel special and important. 10 They Know To Hold A Conversation
Anyone can hold a surface-level conversation about the weather. But alluring folks tend to take convos to a whole different level. "Rather than talking about things they don't care about in small talk — the weather, the news, etc. — they instead focus on what they are excited about, whether that's their career, a favorite sports team, or their love of the party's host,"
licensed therapist Kryss Shane, BS, MS, MSW, LSW, LMSW tells Bustle. "[They have] a sense of excitement in their voices ... This excitement is infectious and causes others to more thoroughly enjoy the conversation."
Again, this stems from having things they're passionate about. But conversational skills like these are possible for everyone to adopt and work on. By paying attention to the person you're talking to, listening, and finding some common ground, you'll be able to
kick your daily conversations up a notch, too. 11 They Have A Calm Stability About Them
Alluring people aren't just great at conversations, as well as super charismatic. They also have a way of making "the people around them feel safe," says Holt. "Like if anything bad were to happen, they could take charge and see everyone through the storm." This has a lot to do with self-assuredness, which branches off of self-confidence. But it's also a quality that comes around eventually as we get older and wiser.
And that's why, for anyone looking to be the rock people turn to when times get rough, it can help to
work on yourself first. Taking moments to build yourself up, and turn negative self-talk into positive, reassuring statements is a good place to start.
Alluring people may seem mysterious, untouchable, older, and wiser, but in reality they're just like everybody else. The only difference is they've made an effort to figure themselves out and
build up their confidence, which is something we all can do.