Why does it always seem like you're daydreaming about sex when you're supposed to be doing something else, but then when you finally get to have sex, other thoughts suddenly crowd your mind? If you've had weird, random thoughts during sex, you're not alone. The truth is, we can't always control our thoughts as much as we'd like, and that's OK.
It's common for your mind to wander during sex, Astroglide's resident sexologist Dr. Jess O'Reilly, tells Bustle. "Whether the thought of your grandmother or your upcoming tax return pops into your head, there is no need to worry," she says. "Sex isn’t always overwhelming, and it can be pleasurable and fulfilling even if intrusive thoughts make their way into your mind."
However, there are ways to gain greater control over your thoughts if you wish. "If you find your mind is wandering, try focusing on your breath for a few inhales and exhales; pay attention to the way the air feels moving in through your nose and out through your mouth," Dr. Jess says. "Alternatively, close your eyes to use sensory deprivation as a way to tune into the physical experience of touch; feel your lover’s skin against yours, taking note of the texture, temperature, pressure, rhythm of movement, and shape. Don’t try to banish thoughts. Instead, refocus on the present moment."
In case you were scared you were the only one, here are some of the weirdest things people have thought about during sex.
1Chad, 30
"The burger my girlfriend just shared with me before we started having sex. I got the salad, and she got a barbecue burger. I was nonplussed when the server delivered the burger to me and the salad to her."
2Bianca, 34
"Back when sex was a thing I happened to do at least every once in a while, when I felt like a premature end to the act was looming, I’d solve math problems in my head. Surprisingly high success rate of extending the moment."
3Meg, 35
"Chandler’s mom. Because of the episode of Friends where he can’t stop seeing his mom. This crossed my mind, and then I couldn’t stop seeing his mom."
4Heather, 44
"I've done things like meal planning and thought about holiday/birthday gifts for family members during sex. Chores! During sex!"
5Lisa, 64
"When I was in my early 20's, my super cute boyfriend used to sing or recite stuff during sex to keep from orgasming sooner than he wanted to. One time, he started spelling M-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i, and not only did it hold him off, it gave me time — for my very first orgasm during intercourse. It was a sweet moment. Plus now, every time somebody spells Mississippi, I get sorta turned on."
6Andrea, 50
"I am a lesbian and I often think of gay men. Not sure if that’s weird because my wife does, too."
7Rebecca, 48
"Like 'oh god please don't let me fart' weird but contextual or 'I think the car insurance needs to renewed on Wednesday. I should probably check when I'm done here.'"
8Casey, 32
"I had just woken up from a dream in which velociraptors were swimming. So then, I was having sex (with my husband, for the record) and wondering if velociraptors or other dinosaurs could swim. (This was before Jurassic Park came out.)"
9Melissa, 39
"One time when I was having sex for money I looked down and realized the guy was sweating on my throw pillow from Anthropologie. It cost $88 and I really liked it and him sweating on it really made me mad."
10Adiba, 41
"Back when I first started having sex, my boyfriend was really bad at it. And I was really bad at math. So to pass the time, I would go over various math formulas, theorems, and numbers. Pythagorean Theorem, slope of a line, Avogadro's numbers — all of it. I even used the sex as cues. 'You're so hot = Hot = temperature rising = rise/run = slope of a line.' 'Oh baby = BB = b^2 = a^2+b^2+c^2 = Pythagorean theorem.' He eventually got much better, and I ended up failing math."
11Christina, 42
"I had sex with someone new (who is a nice guy), and it was the second time in my life I was manic rather than hypomanic. My mind wouldn't slow down, and I kept imagining a parade with one of those military trucks carrying a missile, only it was shaped like a penis. And some other strange stuff like that. It was so distracting that it ruined the moment. Luckily, we've since talked — when I was calm! Thanks, bipolar type 2!"
12Syd, 26
"I’ve been everywhere in my head during sex. Most of the time, I go hiking through a dense forest and find a huge log cabin, which is apparently where I live in this sex-world. Also, I’ve been to a Mexican restaurant and ate burritos. Have also gone through every step to pack my suitcase for a trip. Have mentally listed out changes to make in the second edit of my novel-in-progress. The list goes on. It doesn’t make the sex less enjoyable. It’s just weird how I’m always whisked away into some random situation or environment."
Clearly, there are few things that have not been thought about during sex. Whatever you yourself have thought about, rest assured that it's normal.
