13 Dirty Jokes From 'Santa Clarita Diet' That Prove Just How Filthy Zombie Realtors Can Be
While you wouldn't think that your libido would increase while your body is decaying, Santa Clarita Diet proves otherwise. When Drew Barrymore's character Sheila becomes a zombie, her appetite for human flesh increases in more ways than one. Thanks to her zombie sex drive — and the freedom that comes with being on Netflix — there are plenty of dirty jokes in Santa Clarita Diet. Although the zombie comedy (zomedy, if you will) from Netflix isn't sexually graphic, Santa Clarita Diet still has sex jokes for all the alive and undead viewers out there.
Sheila and her husband Joel (played by Timothy Olyphant) sure enjoy much more sex after she becomes a zombie in Season 1 of Santa Clarita Diet, but they aren't the only characters who are getting it on. Sheila and Joel's neighbor Lisa (played by It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia actress Mary Elizabeth Ellis) is also getting busy and is full of bawdy humor. And even if other characters aren't doing the nasty on Santa Clarita Diet like Sheila, Joel, and Lisa, there is enough sexual innuendo to go around for everyone.
Sheila explains to Joel that she gets a tingle in her vagina when she kills people in her zombie state. As she says, the feeling is "not not sexual" — and that's a pretty perfect way to describe the series. In honor of that, here are 13 of the dirtiest jokes in Santa Clarita Diet because becoming undead makes you have a whole new appreciation for sex. Spoilers for Season 1 of Santa Clarita Diet follow.
1"My Jaw Still Kind Of Hurts"
Sheila's sex drive spikes almost immediately after she becomes a zombie. In the very first episode, she's shown encouraging her husband to go down on her not once, but twice. When he complains his jaw still hurts after the first time he performed oral sex, Sheila replies, "Then stop talking" and pushes his head down. Get it, Sheila. (Don't worry, everyone involved is a consenting adult.)
2"Right Now, I Wanna Hump Like A Rescue Dog At A Rite Aid"
Sheila and Joel's sex doesn't stop at Episode 1, as this bizarre pillow talk from Episode 2 proves. I never knew that rescue dogs frequented Rite Aid (there are a lot of jokes about the drug store) and viewers never see the aftermath of this request since Sheila and Joel's poor daughter Abby walks in on this tableau of her parents.
3"Yes, We're Gonna F*ck It"
In order to stop killing people for Sheila to eat, Joel and Sheila visit a medical examiner to purchase a dead body to see if that will satisfy Sheila's appetite. The medical examiner assumes from their shady behavior that the married couple wants to have sex with the dead person and Joel and Sheila decide to just go with it. When Joel criticizes the logic behind paying twice as much for the corpse since there are two of them — saying you wouldn't pay twice if two people were renting a car — the examiner responds, "You do if both people are f*cking it."
4"Do You Think It Could Be Those Clams I Had At Japopo's?"
Perhaps I'm creating a dirty joke out of nothing here, but when investigating how the zombie virus works on Santa Clarita Diet, I discovered that "japopo" is slang for a man who performs oral sex on women. Only one (much more vulgar) definition for "japopo" exists on Urban Dictionary, but since Sheila ate clams at Japopo's, it's hard not to at least theorize that this is a reference to eating vagina.
5"And By The Way, It Is A Perfect Starter Dick"
Abby mocks her friend Sarah for dating a 26-year-old drug dealer — particularly because Cole's flashy car seems to indicate that he's compensating for something (AKA a tiny penis). But based on this line from Sarah, it doesn't bother the teenager.
6"It's Like F*cking A British Guard"
Lisa is in a loveless marriage with the aggressive sheriff's deputy Dan. As she explains to Sheila and Alondra, she once clapped in his face during sex and he didn't even blink, just like the notoriously unmoving Queen's Guard in England. What would Queen Elizabeth say?!
7"So, What Do You Do, Bob?"
Since Lisa doesn't appear to love Dan, she takes Sheila's advice to live her best life by deciding to enter into an affair with Bob — played by Ryan Hansen. When Sheila goes to kill Bob (on Dan's misleading order), she asks what he does for a living. Before he can say he's a pediatric oncologist, Lisa replies, "Me — in a doorway." Uncomfortable zing!
8"This Pretty Lady Still Makes Me Blush About My Fingers"
Speaking of uncomfortable, after Dan goes missing, there is some serious flirtation that goes down between his partner Anne and Lisa. Natalie Morales' Anne is pleasantly embarassed by Lisa complimenting her delicate, perfect fingers that can't julienne carrots. I'm pretty sure that her fingers do plenty of other things though.
9"It's Obviously Designed To Look Like A Clitoris"
When Sheila cuts off the steady stream of sex to Joel, he notes he misses their insane sexual escapades, like when they had sex in a Target bathroom (and broke a baby changing table) because the logo turned Sheila on. Her response will make you see bullseyes in a whole new, amazing, female light.
10"She Comes, Like, All The Time"
Lisa really ups the ante when it comes to sexual conversations (as her son Eric says, "Mom, you don't have to sexualize everything"). And if you had any doubts that Anne and Lisa were having sex, she heavily alludes to it again by telling Joel that Anne has been keeping her distracted and the frequency of her coming (err, to visit??) is "really nice."
Sheila decides she is "taking that phrase back" about mother-daughter bonding after the brother of the chop shop guy makes her day with Abby sound dirty. Just because their asses are a multigenerational success like the children's musician Raffi doesn't mean that they can't do G-rated mother-daughter stuff.
12"And All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt"
Like Rite Aid, Santa Clarita Diet makes a fair amount of jokes about Six Flags Magic Mountain, located near Santa Clarita, California. According to the series, it doesn't sound like the classiest place to be with Sheila noting that once she saw a baby wearing an outfit that said, "My parents f*cked nine months ago and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."
13"Your Wife Has Nice Box?"
Principal Novak's baka appreciated the box that the pączki came in way more than the Polish pastries when Joel gave them to her back in Episode 5. So, when he shows up on her doorstep again with Sheila in the Season 1 finale, the Serbian woman is much more interested in whether or not Joel's wife has a nice box too. Sheila's retort of "This guy likes it" epitomizes the type of sexual humor that Santa Clarita Diet is all about.
As these jokes show, whether they're dead or alive, the characters of Santa Clarita Diet have a craving for the carnal — and hilarious — things in life.