13 Games That Can Help You Increase Sexual Desires In Your Relationship
At some point in your romantic relationship, you may feel that your sexual desire is not what it used to be — instead, it may ebb and flow. Of course, only you and your partner can determine the right amount of sexual contact between you. However, there are many ways to increase your sexual desire, and certain games and activities can help.
Dr. Rachel Needle, licensed psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist in West Palm Beach, FL, and the Co-Director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, agrees that sexual desire waxes and wanes. “Sometimes I tell people, ‘Just do it’ — as long as there is not any trauma or other factors that might make physical intimacy triggering, threatening, or dangerous,” she tells Bustle. “At times, we have to make a conscious effort to be intimate with our partner. If we sit around and wait to be suddenly in the mood, it may never happen.”
Dr. Needle says that mixing things up or trying something new — including relationship or sex games and activities — can be helpful in bringing fun, intimacy, excitement, and desire back. Below, experts share ideas on games and activities that can help you explore sexual desires in your relationship.
1. Whisper Sexy Thoughts
Whispering sexy thoughts to your partner is like sexting, but IRL. Although you may feel awkward doing it at first, it’ll get easier with practice. “Be spontaneous — nothing is sexier,” Bethany Ricciardi, sex and relationship educator at TooTimid, tells Bustle. “...When you’re out with friends, whisper to your partner how bad you’re craving their touch. It might not be subtle, but it will definitely get both of you in the mood.”
Ricciardi says this is effective because some people are into being secretive and creating a little bit of their own excitement, even if it isn’t their usual thing. “It shows you’re willing to push comfort zones to show how bad you want to be with that person, and that in itself is a turn-on,” she says.
2. Play Everyday Games, But With A Sexy Twist
Chances are, you have board games laying around your house. Well, with a little sexual brainstorming, you can rewrite the rules of some of the games. Whether you play Twister naked or write up sex “rules” on Jenga pieces, many G-rated games you have can morph into R-rated ones.
Caleb Backe, a health and wellness expert for Maple Holistics, agrees. “Head-to-head, but inconsequential, games can get competitive juices flowing, which will lead to teasing and negging — always an excellent lede into sexual foreplay,” he tells Bustle. Backe also and suggests seeking out adult board games. “Try adult board games, and items like love dice,” he tells Bustle. “These can be a fun and entertaining way to try new things together, and explore sides of sex which may not have come up till now. They also make great use of your hands, your mouth, and the mounting sexual tension.”
Brianna Rader, relationship and sex educator and founder of the Juicebox Sex & Relationship App, also suggests playing games like Truth or Dare. “Try asking something like... ‘What’s on your sexual bucket list?’ And if your partner chooses ‘dare,’ try saying, ‘Put on a blindfold and lick the body part I place in front of your mouth’ or ‘Use a sex toy on yourself for 60 seconds.’”
3. Cook And Feed Each Other
“Have fun with the cooking and flirt with your partner or incorporate some sexy teasing or gestures while doing it,” Dr. Needle says. “You can increase the excitement by taking off a piece of clothing with each dish you prepare or each step in the cooking process. An activity, like cooking, also leaves room for feeling closer to your partner.”
You can also feed each other in the process, Beth Liebling, host of the radio show/podcast “Love and Laughter with Beth” and the founder of Darling Way, a sexy luxury boutique in historic Houston Heights, TX, tells Bustle. “Try eating dinner with one person’s hands tied with a silk tie so the other person has to feed them,” she says. “Also, don’t forget about eye contact. Often, couples have forgotten to seriously look into each other's eyes while touching, but it’s hard not to if you are feeding someone. A simple stroke of one’s cheek can be wonderfully intimate and loving.”
4. Get Ready Naked
Ricciardi says that an easy way to make your partner sexually aroused is to be naked while you get ready to go somewhere with them. “Get dressed last,” she says. “Wear something light and sexy, or wear nothing at all while you finish getting ready — you can give them a little show while you brush your teeth or comb your hair.” This way, your partner will catch glimpses of you and be turned on in no time, Ricciardi says.
“This is such a flirty, effective way to show your partner you want them, and that you want them to want you!” Plus, all night when you’re out, your partner has something to look forward to later on.
5. Create An At-Home Spa, Complete With Massages
A simple way to increase sexual desire in your relationship is by surprising your partner with an at-home spa session, Backe says. “Besides this helping to mitigate the countless pressures of life, this can also be a great bonding experience for you and your partner that can even enrich your intimacy,” he says. “There’s no better way to a person’s heart than to make them feel special and pampered. Sharing the experience together illustrates your commitment and dedication to the relationship, and their overall well-being.”
Of course, as part of the spa session, don’t forget about the massage aspect. Whether you offer your partner a massage or you both give each other one, it’ll help you two relax and get into a sexual mood, Ricciardi says. “Even if your partner starts with their clothes on, I’m sure they’ll be coming off by the end. They’ll love the sensation that your light fingertips will bring, and the temptation can be fun!” She adds that you can see how they react as you touch them in different places.
“This is effective because it takes away that awkward stage of figuring out, ‘How do we start?’ The massage usually sets the stage nicely for what’s coming next!”
6. Give Your Partner’s Ears Extra Attention
Ricciardi says that the ears are an erotic zone that are often overlooked, but will help increase sexual desire. “There’s honestly a lot of quirky things you can do with ears that’ll get your partner going,” she says. “Having someone breathe in your ear can be a huge turn on for so many, especially hot, deep, slow breaths. You might be thinking about this happening on accident while you’re fooling around, but it’s even sexier done intentionally during sex or when caught off-guard, like when your partner comes up behind you while you’re doing the dishes.”
She says you can add whispering and nibbling, too, to increase the sexual tension even more.
7. Watch Porn Or Read Erotica Together
Watching porn or reading erotic stories together can work wonders to increase sexual desire for one another. “In certain societies, porn and reading erotica are often viewed as shameful or wrong to indulge in,” Backe says. “However, they can unlock new, exciting sexual intimacy in a couple’s relationship. For instance, by demonstrating enough comfort with your partner to watch porn together, you are signaling to your partner that you aren’t self-conscious about your sexuality — which is always a turn-on.”
Dr. Needle, too, thinks that erotic literature and porn can enhance a couple’s sexual relationship. “Fantasy can contribute to a healthy sex life, and porn can help foster both sexual and emotional intimacy and increase excitement,” she says.
They can also lead to partners better communicating their wants and needs, experimenting, and broadening their sexual repertoire, Dr. Needle adds.
8. Take A Shower Together
Liebling says showers can help you and your partner increase your sexual desire. “Wash each other from head to toe slowly and with lots of eye contact,” she tells Bustle. “One couple told me they do this daily because there is nowhere to hide and no distraction when naked in the shower. They said it’s their time to talk and really focus on each other and what’s going on in the other’s life, mind, and heart.”
9. Dance Together — Either Out Or At Home
It’s a given that dancing brings you and your partner closer, not only physically, but emotionally, too. Whether you dance while you’re out or at home, it can help increase sexual desire. “Dancing together is a great way to light a fire in your relationship since it establishes a completely new way for you to interact,” Backe says. “As you dance together, your bodies are close, your eyes meet, and you’re forced to work as a team to create a seamless display of beauty that elegantly expresses your raw sexuality. There is something so inherently passionate about dancing that creates a tangible passionate atmosphere, especially considering that you usually don’t embrace each other for that long outside of the bedroom.”
Role-playing is a simple way to spice things up with your partner. You can dress up in costumes or bondage outfits, or pick up some handcuffs or sex toys at a local sex store. Then, it’s up to you and your partner what you do next. You can just use the toys, just dress up, or combine the two. And to up the sexual desire ante, you can also surprise your partner dressed up in a costume you know they’d like.
“Role-playing is a great way to rediscover the childlike and playful dimension that you may feel you have lost,” Patricia Johnson & Mark Michaels, co-authors of Partners in Passion and several other sex-themed books, tell Bustle. “Perhaps the easiest way to do this is to engage in some mild and somewhat ridiculous scenarios." From school/student situations to pretending like you're strangers — the options are endless. They say it’s best to come up with your own scenarios, keep it simple and silly, and let your shared laughter at the silliness function as a turn-on.
11. Take A Trip Together
Taking a trip together can also benefit your sex life, whether it’s a day trip, a weekend one, or longer. “Shared experiences are one of the backbones of a strong relationship,” Backe says. “Going on a trip together exposes partners to new sides of each other, which can build comfort. As a bonus, romantic and exciting locales — as well as hotel rooms — can often get couples in the mood.”
12. *Don’t* Have Sex
Liebling says that one way to increase longing for your partner is by avoiding sex — but not avoiding sexual behavior. “Take penetrative sex off the table for two weeks and spend the time touching, teasing, kissing, and tormenting each other in every other way,” she says. “Then, you’ll both be dying for [it] at the finish line.”
13. Invent Your Own Game
Even if you and your partner have been together for years, you’re probably constantly learning new things about each other, in and out of the bedroom. “Over time, as they become more comfortable with you, that’s when you start to pick up on the funny, cute, odd things they like that turn them on,” Ricciardi says. She suggests thinking about impromptu ways to increase your sexual desire, including ways you have in the past. “One time, maybe you came home from work with dirty hands and a stained greasy T-shirt, and your partner was super turned on. It’s fun to pick up on those interests, so continue to do so to create your own sexual games and activities.”
As you can see, there are many games to help enhance your sex life and increase your sexual desire for your partner — and vice-versa. You can even combine some of the above together. “Discussing what turns you on beforehand is great because it shows you can communicate your expectations and desires,” Ricciardi says. “If your partner does something that turns you on, even if it’s weird, tell them! Or even better, show them.”
When you think about it, with a little bit of creativity, there are several everyday activities that you can make more sexual. As long as you and your partner are both comfortable exploring them, that’s all that matters — but you’ll never know unless you try.