When it comes to shopping, there's no day quite like Black Friday.
Black Friday shopping is actually so much of a big deal and such a major part of the American culture that over 20 states in the U.S. regard it as a public holiday, meaning government employees have the day off to, well, shop and get paid for it.
While there's no denying that when it comes to
scoring bargains, Black Friday is , but when you think about it, is that really how you want to spend the day after Thanksgiving? Wouldn't you rather be in bed, resting up from all that turkey-induced tryptophan, watching some movie marathon (there's the day always a movie marathon or 20 to choose from the day after Thanksgiving), or maybe even having sex? Like, lots of sex? I'm pretty sure the answer to that question is YES.
So, instead of fighting the crowds on your day off, consider doing yourself a favor: stay home in bed with your main squeeze — or one of your main squeezes at the moment. Besides,
you always have Cyber Monday — which is an even better day to shop, because it's all online and you can do it during work hours... not that you would, of course.
Here are 13 sex positions to keep you very busy on Black Friday.
How to do it: Although this position might be tricky to pull off if the difference in height is too much, no matter what it's a challenge and we all need challenges from time to time. While the partner with the penis holds up the leg of the person with the vulva, have the person with the penis drop their hips enough so the penis can enter the vulva. The lifted leg gives both leverage and helps with balance. Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: Black Friday is one hell of a challenging day, as people dive for TVs on sales and blenders that are half off. But since you won't be doing that, you might as well create a challenge of your own — and that's exactly what the three legged dog is. How to do it: Have your partner lay down flat, then bend one leg. Next, while facing away from them, straddle the bent leg, while lowering yourself onto them. Next, you want to stimulate your clitoris against their thigh. Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: The side straddle is one of the best sex positions for the female orgasm, which means you're definitely scoring here. Since Black Friday is also about scoring, you're definitely keeping up with the Black Friday theme of the day. How to do it: Sometimes one of the hardest parts about making a threesome happen is finding a third. Do you want a friend? A stranger? An ex? And what about all those rules? But once you've managed to find a willing participant who's ready to shake up their sex life a bit, then grab a vibrator, discuss boundaries, and go for it. Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: If the opportunity ever arises to have a threesome and this is something you've always wanted, then go for it. So whether it's Black Friday, Easter, or your sister's birthday, there's just certain things in life that have to be temporarily put on hold for a threesome. That's just a fact of life. How to do it: With both you and your partner facing the same direction, bend over, reaching as far as you can toward the floor (without losing your balance), while having your partner penetrate you from behind. If they grab your hips and/or you put your hands on your knees, you can steady yourself from falling. Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: Black Friday involves a lot of standing in lines to get into stores, standing around thinking about what you want to buy, then standing in more lines to check out. If you want to stand for most of Black Friday, you might as well have sex beforehand and after to stretch things out How to do it: Simply, as one partner sits, the other partner proceeds to give them oral sex. Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: When it comes to getting what you want on Black Friday, sometimes you really need to get in there and dig around until you find it — kinda like performing seated oral. How to do it: Although the name is less than appetizing, once you get the hang of it, the splitter is great — fantastic for deep penetration especially. With the person with the vulva on their back and their partner kneeling in front of them, the one on their back, lifts their leg to rest it on the chest or shoulder of their partner. This alignment of the hips is perfect for optimal penetration. Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: Honestly, the only type of penetration you'll be getting on Black Friday is that person behind you in line, who keep ramming their shopping cart into your back and who is completely clueless of their actions. So based on that, you do the math. How to do it: Get yourself into traditional doggy style — one of the most favorite sex positions that I don't think needs much of an explanation — then add a sex toy, notably a vibrator, to the mix, so you can stimulate the clitoris while your partner penetrates you from behind. Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: Black Friday shouldn't be just about buying for other people; it should be about buying, or rather, treating yourself, too. What better way to treat yourself than in doggy style with a vibrator stimulating your clitoris? There really is no better way — unless, of course, you add pizza to it, but that's an explosion of all the senses at once, so it might be risky. How to do it: For those who like to play with domination and submission — but who aren't totally 100% into it yet — this position allows the partner on their knees to try the role of the submissive, while the other partner tries the role of the dominant. It's definitely a beginner move and may even inspire you to take it even further or realize it's not for you. Either way, at least you can say you gave it a try. Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: Let's break this down as simply as possible, shall we? Trying BDSM for the first time or fighting with a stranger over the last, well, whatever the hell they sell at Best Buy? Which is more likely to get you all hot and bothered? Yeah; that's what I thought. How to do it: With your partner seated and their legs crossed, while facing them, lower yourself into their lap and onto them, then wrap your arms and legs around them. From here, the movement is more about rocking, than in-out in-out. Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: In addition to crazy lines with which one needs to contend on Black Friday, there's also crowds. So. Many. Crowds. Personally, if I'm going to be rubbed up against by someone on Black Friday, I don't want it to be stranger in a crowd who's trying to get whatever it is I've been eyeing in the Apple store; I want it to be my partner, and I want it to be during sex. Physically, two people can't get much closer than lotus. How to do it: While facing each other, but with your bodies going in opposite directions — head to feet — pull yourselves in close, then proceed to stimulate each other orally at the same time. Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: Black Friday is sort of an awkward adventure. The 69 position, whether you do it traditionally or on your side, is also an awkward adventure. But, unlike Black Friday, at least 69 offers the chance at an orgasm. How to do it: The easiest way to get into the crab walk sex position is for both you and your partner to start seated, facing each other, then crab walk toward each other. Then, you want to lift your hips, keeping your legs on the outside of your partner, then lower yourself onto them. Lastly, you want to gyrate once you're in place, as in-out penetration isn't exactly easy in this position. Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: The crab walk is a difficult sex position that's worth the effort, as long as you don't take it too seriously. The same can be said for Black Friday, so it really makes sense that this position be on the list for Black Friday. How to do it: Starting in lying down position, have your partner, who's on their knees in front of you, pick up your hips and lower you onto them. You can use both your arms and upper back to support your body, as well as applying pressure from your ankles on your partner's shoulders to hold yourself in place. While it looks like your partner is in control, since you're the one with their neck between your ankles, it's actually you who's in charge in this sex position. Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: Honestly, if you had gone to the stores, your tolerance for humanity would probably be gone by noon, meaning you'd probably want to put a chokehold on someone. This, however, is a far better option, when it comes to choking — it's also not going to make the nightly news. How to do it: Of all the sex positions on this list, I'd have to say this might be the easiest. All it involve is a couple starting in missionary, then the person with the penis lifts the person with vulva so they're aligned. From here, penetration is deep thanks to the leverage of both the partner pulling at the person with the vulva and their elbows pushing against the floor and upward. Why you should do it instead of shopping on Black Friday: Well, look at that position. Can you see the clitoris is front and center? Basically, that baby won't be ignored.
Black Friday is great, especially if you love a deal. But considering how much you can buy online now, it's probably better to stay home and take car of some other stuff instead. You know, like practicing a bunch of sex positions you've been neglecting.