9 Sex Positions For When You Just Want To Take Charge

Even if you’re not into some BDSM role-play, sometimes you just want to take control in the bedroom. Whether it’s because you had a bad day at work, your phone was shut off because you forgot to pay the bill, or your sexual appetite wants to taste something else for a change, sometimes you just want to walk into the bedroom, push your partner back on the bed and tell them, ever so seductively, “I’m in charge in bed tonight.” Even if you’ve been submissive in bed your whole life, sometimes something clicks, and suddenly only being on top will do.

When that happens, you need the positions to go with it. Taking charge in the bedroom means setting the mood, letting your partner know what’s up, and delving into positions that you may have never experimented with before — or even considered, for that matter. But that’s one of the best parts about sex: The constant exploration to find all the other things that are going to get you and your partner off.

Want to take over as captain of the ship tonight? Here are nine sex positions that will put you in charge.

1. In A Chair

How to do it: Have your partner sit in a chair, straddle them, and tell them you’re about to take them for the ride of their life. Or maybe some dirty talk that’s a bit more eloquent.

Why it’s a take-charge position: With your partner in the chair and you on top, you’re in control. You get to tease, seduce, give them a lap dance, or just get down to business.

2. The Ankle Choker

How to do it: Start in missionary, then have you partner get on their knees while you straight your legs and they lift your hips high enough to penetrate you. From here, your ankles will be on either said of your partner’s neck and head.

Why it’s a take-charge position: While your partner is in control of the bottom half of your body, in regards to how deep they can thrust, you’re in control with your ankles. With a squeeze of your ankles against them in a sexy chokehold sort of way, you’re actually at the helm of the situation. You can give your partner direction in how you want them to have sex with you, but if they don’t follow, then they get the ankle choker. It’s a playful way to experiment with a bit of power, without totally going BDSM, if you’re not ready for that.

3. Sideways Straddle

How to do it: Have your partner to lie down, with one leg bent. Next, straddle that one leg (facing away from your partner) while lowering yourself onto them. This particular position does wonders for clitoral stimulation as you rub your self against their leg while enjoying the penetrative aspect, too.

Why it’s a take-charge position: You are completely in control of your orgasm. You decide when and how you’re going to orgasm. If you want to orgasm before your partner, then that power is in the palm of your hand.

4. Girl On Top

How to do it: Get on top of your partner and do your thing!

Why it’s a take-charge position: Well, you’re doing “your thing,” so that definitely mean taking charge. There’s also the fact that, similar to the sideways straddle, you are completely in control of your orgasm. That’s a whole boatload of being in charge and then some.

5. Seated Oral

How to do it: Sit on your chair, with your legs spread just enough so your partner can get in between your thighs and give you some proper cunnilingus.

Why it’s a take-charge position: With you in a chair and your partner on their knees pleasing you, you’re definitely the boss. As someone who’s not really into receiving oral sex, I actually love this position because I am in charge and I can pull my partner in closer or push them away, making them beg for more. Again, it’s a total hot game of who has more power.

6. Reverse Cowgirl

How to do it: It’s just like girl on top, but you’re going to be facing the other way when you straddle your partner.

Why it’s a take-charge position: You’re on top, which immediately gives you the most control. You’re also facing away from your partner so there’s a level of teasing going on as you give them quite a show of your backside. The combination of being on top and being able to tease, because you know the position is irresistible, is intoxicating. You may never want to play the submissive role again.

7. The Lotus

How to do it: Have your partner sit cross-legged, then straddle them, lowering yourself on to them. From here, wrap your legs and arms around them, like you’re hugging them so tight that you never want to let go.

Why it’s a take-charge position: Because your partner has you on their lap, you get to wiggle and gyrate and grind however you want. The lotus position is also really great for building intimacy, because you’re so physically close and having charge over that intimacy can make things even more intense. It’s also, just for the record, considered a sex position that’s very good for your health.

8. Mutual Masturbation

How to do it: Pick a place where both you and your partner will be comfy, and start going to town on your own bodies.

Why it’s a take-charge position: For starters, every time you masturbate you’re embracing your sexuality and, in doing so, have control over it. Secondly, when you and your partner engage in mutual masturbation, you can take the role of telling your partner what you want to see them do — and vice versa, of course.

9. Bouncing Reverse Cowgirl

How to do it: With your partner flat on their back (legs straight out), lower yourself onto them. Keeping your legs slightly bent so you can use the bed or floor to stabilize yourself with your feet, begin to bounce or grind on your partner carefully. Don’t forget that penises can be fractured, so make sure you pay attention to what your partner communicates to you.

Why it’s a take-charge situation: You’re giving your partner pleasure on your terms, while pleasuring yourself. Win-win.

Check out the “Sex & Relationships” stream in the Bustle App for tips, tricks, and advice on friends, sex, dating, and everything in-between.

Images: Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle