5 Tips For Pleasing People With Vulvas, According To A Sex Hacker
Female pleasure is too often viewed as either optional, hopelessly complicated, or a show or achievement for men. But it shouldn't be. It should be a normal, everyday, expected part of sex. And that's not a difficult goal to achieve. As "sex hacker" Kenneth Play proves in his online courses, you don't need to have a big penis, last all night, or be blessed with special talents to satisfy someone with a vulva. All you really need is open-mindedness, communication, and a bit of information — and that's where Play's courses come in.
Good sex is "about adopting a growth mindset to sexuality," Play tells Bustle. The quality of your sex life is not determined by your innate abilities but by your "effort and ability to learn," he explains. "The one thing I would teach anyone is that their sex life can change drastically if they put some effort into learning. We can learn to cook so much better, we can create amazing foods — we can adopt the same attitude to sexual experiences. We can get so much better."
Play's courses cover many topics, from oral sex to squirting, as well as lots of sex techniques you don't normally hear about. Here are a few to learn if you want to make sex more pleasurable for yourself or your partner.
1. Touching The Clit During Intercourse
Only about one in four cis women report regularly orgasming during intercourse. But there's a simple solution to this: It's called playing with the clitoris.
Play has a few tried-and-true techniques to do this. To do it manually, you can press a palm down on your partner's leg to hold yourself up and rub their clit with your thumb.
If you have trouble coordinating that, an easier method is to use a vibrator. First, let your partner place it, since they know what feels best. Then, take over yourself, or let your partner control it and add pressure if you like by holding their ankles. If the sensation becomes less intense, you can increase it by taking the vibrator off for a second and putting it back on.
2. The "Clit Clock Game"
The clitoris may look small, but don't be fooled: On top of its many parts beyond the visible tip, different parts of the tip have differing sensitivities for many people.
To find out where on the clitoris your partner likes to be touched the most, Play recommends the "clit clock game," where you imagine the clitoris is a clock and find out which "times" your partner prefers.
To do this, you'll first want to pull back the clitoral hood. Some clitorises are really sensitive when touched directly, so be gentle. Slowly move your finger around the clock and ask for feedback, then stick around at your partner's favorite hour.
3. Combining Your Mouth And Hands
Many describe blended orgasms — those that arise from both clitoral and vaginal stimulation — as especially intense. There are a few ways to accomplish this, but two involve combining your tongue and hands.
One is what Play calls the "lost art of tongue-f*cking." To do this, move your tongue in and out of your partner's vagina while resting your hand on their pubic bone and rubbing their clit with your thumb.
However, this method gets tiring pretty fast, so you'll probably have the most success licking your partner's clit with a finger or two half an inch inside, rubbing the upper vaginal wall in a "come hither" motion.
4. External Touch Squirting
You usually think of squirting as something that happens through penetration. But one of Play's videos shows him making a woman squirt through clitoral stimulation.
First, he pinches her outer lips, sliding the clitoris in between them as he rubs up and down, then he lubes up his finger and touches her clit directly, playing the clit cock game and stroking her favorite spot up and down. Then, to stroke faster, he hovers over her upper body and stimulates her clit from above.
To use another technique, he rubs the back of his knuckles up and down her vulva, then returns to her favorite six o'clock technique. This won't necessarily work for everyone, but the point is to stimulate your partner however they like best. Your partner may also need to learn how to engage their pelvic floor muscles for squirting, which is explained in Play's squirting course.
5. Toy Squirting
Another way to make someone squirt is by inserting toys. Play recommends the NJoy Pure Wand. To kill two birds with one stone, you can lube up the toy by pouring lube above your partner's vulva and massaging them with it, which will also warm them up. Then, move it back and forth over the clit before moving it down, applying pressure to the bottom of the vagina, pushing it in, and rocking it in and out. For extra stimulation, you can also have your partner hold a vibrator on their clitoris.
To learn about more techniques for pleasing vulva owners, you can head to Play's website to check out his courses.