6 Surprising Mistakes You're Making That Make Your Partner Feel Less Passionate
When it comes to keeping a relationship alive, passion is everything. But while that's most certainly the case, trying to keep the spark burning bright as a relationship evolves from lust to attachment, isn't always easy. In fact, for many couples, it's downright hard. We slip into patterns, perhaps get too comfortable, and before we know it, we're pooping with the door open, wondering exactly how we can get that passion back. For starters, you might want to consider closing the bathroom door; there's nothing wrong with leaving something to the imagination.
But even if you've yet to reach the point where you're going to the bathroom with the door open — having vowed to never get that cozy in your relationship — there are things you just might be doing on a daily basis that are making your partner feel less passionate about both you and your relationship. Things that, maybe, have never even crossed your mind as having a negative effect on your partner in regards to passion. Since that's a possibility, it's important to pinpoint these mistakes so you can get that passion back on track and moving in the right direction.
Here are six surprising mistakes that just might be sucking the passion from your relationship.
1. You Blow Off Date Night
It doesn't matter how long you've been with your partner, you should always continue to go on dates. While sitting around on the couch enjoying a movie marathon can be fun, keeping the passion and interest alive in a relationship means getting up off the couch, tossing on your favorite outfit, and making a night of it with your partner.
"When you’re in a long-term relationship it’s easy to let date night slide," New York–based relationship and etiquette expert of Relationship Advice Forum, April Masini, tells Bustle. "Don’t. Without realizing it, you’re sending your partner the message that they aren’t datable. I know that sounds extreme, but the best way to keep your partner in date mode — throughout a long-term relationship — is to date them. ...When you prioritize romance, you’re prioritizing passion and a romantic dynamic in the relationship."
2. You No Longer Gush About Your Partner
While there's no denying that the honeymoon period doesn't last forever, that doesn't mean you still shouldn't compliment your partner while in a group, according to Masini, to make them feel appreciated — and flattered.
Of course, this all depends on what you're comfortable with, but Masini suggests using body language even to show your love for your partner.
3. Your Affectionate Days Are Over
While you might not be big on PDA, a small affectionate gesture here and there could go a long way in bringing the spark back. "A stolen kiss, held hands, or a suggestive caress, are all behaviors that people tend to drop — and shouldn’t," says Masini. "Those little things that are free and quick, mean so much to a partner."
4. You Don't Compliment Them Like You Used To
People love compliments! Even if they struggle to accept them, deep down, most people truly love hearing from someone, especially their partner, how awesome they are.
"Compliments fade over time, and they are really important in making your partner feel important and passionate," says Masini. "You may think, 'My partner knows I think they’re great at things,' but it’s not the same thing as simply complimenting them regularly. Boost their ego."
5. You've Forgotten The Importance Of Small Gestures
In addition to verbal compliments, Masini also suggests showing your appreciation for you partner in the form of gestures — you know, like all those cutesy gestures you made back in the early days of your relationship. "Watch how these small gestures are currency in passion later," says Masini.
6. You Don't Share Good News With Them First
While you're under no obligation to put your partner first, they still want to feel like they're a priority in your life — at least on par with your best friend or mom. A good way to make this clear — and get your partner feeling passionate again — is to let them know that, yes, they are an important part of your life.
"Instead of calling your best friend, pause and sit down to tell your partner what’s going on," says Masini. "Over the course of a long-term relationship it’s easy to want to share great news with your mother or your best friend — instead of your partner. And over time, your partner will begin to feel unimportant, and this translates to a disinterest in passion. When your partner feels like they are the first one you call with news, they feel important to you, and this builds intimacy — and passion."
Relationships don't just take work, but they take being totally aware of your partner's needs, wants, insecurities, and what it takes to keep them feeling good about the relationship. Just like it's their responsibility to do the same for you. If passion does fade, you can absolutely get it back. It's just a matter of putting in a little extra effort; effort that's worth making because it pays off big in the end.