Dirty talk. You're typically either into it or you're not. But no matter where you fall on the dirty talk spectrum, there just may come a time in your life where dirty talk will come up in bed and you may want to try dirty talk again. And you can; even if you do kinda hate it. It's all about word choice.
“Limit the use of words to describe genitals, so you dance around the obvious,” Sex Educator, Lola Jean, tells Bustle. "Don’t give in too soon. Keep the cookies in the cookie jar. Dangle the carrot in front of their nose: 'I can almost feel your thighs against my face.'"
The people I know who loathe dirty talk do so because, for them, it's like throwing themselves into a sea of hungry sharks — and no one wants to be eaten by a sea of hungry sharks no matter how impressive a death that just might be. But it is actually possible stay within your comfort zone with dirty talk, too.
So if you hate dirty talk, and you're more than entitled to despise it to your heart's content, here are seven dirty talk phrases that will ease your dirty talk discomfort.
1. "Tell Me What You Want To Do To Me… In Detail.”
This is a favorite, according to Lola Jean. It's also straightforward and easy, because it takes the pressure off of you.
2. “I Love It When You ____.”
"Simply start by stating something you love about the other person," says Lola Jean. "Something you love to do to them or for them to do to you. Bonus: It encourages this as a repeated behavior." Not to mention, positive reinforcement always goes a long way in bed.
3. "I’m Horny And Thinking About Things I Shouldn’t."
"Was there a particular previous moment you still think about or something really hot you’d like to do again?" asks Lola Jean. "Discuss that moment in detail and relive it with them. No need to reinvent the wheel every time."
There's really no reason to strain yourself to get overly creative or "out there" in your dirty talk. Even recalling something from your past that you really enjoyed is given a whole a new life when you say it out loud. You actually might find yourself having an "a-ha!" moment over how easy dirty talking can actually be. Also, don't forget that other sounds can have quite a positive effect, even if you don't exactly use words.
4. "Oh, You'd Like That, Wouldn't You?"
"If you get stumped, ask questions and put it back on them," says Lola Jean. "Not in a 'You like that?' but more of a 'Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?'"
If your partner is initiating the dirty talk and you want to give it back to them, too, this one is a great option. It's also a great way to follow their lead, so you don't have to overthink it too much.
5. "What Would You Do To Get Me To ____ For You?"
Do you see a beautiful theme here yet? Asking questions! That's our theme! Not only will it give you a lead, but gives you a chance to stay within your comfort zone — if that's what you want.
6. “Show/Tell Me How Badly You Want That.”
Although you're not asking for a show-and-tell segment of your romp, this particular phrase will open the door to some showing and some telling, giving you the chance to respond, as opposed to invent. It's even a fantastic way to learn what your partner is into, especially if they're a new partner and you're still feeling each other out, sexually speaking.
7. "I Wish _____"
Or, as Lola Jean finished the sentence with her dirty talking expertise, "I wish I could dance my tongue around your lips until your hunger can only be satiated by my kiss," adding that, yes, she's quite good at this.
But even if it physically pains you to rattle off such a "wish," you can suggest something a bit more mild. For example, "I wish you'd touch my __" or "I wish you'd do that again." Obviously your partner will know what you're talking about and it will verbally express a desire for them without having to get all wordy about it.
Ultimately, even if you hate dirty talk, you shouldn't let it stress you out. It's meant to be something fun and, as Lola Jean says, "a great way to keep creativity up" during your sexual experience.