Sexperts are always talking about the importance of expanding your sexual horizons. But where do you find all these
new things to try in bed? Porn? You could, but it's not always the best source of information. Your friends? That's a great option if you talk to your friends about sex, but not everyone does. If you've already exhausted those options, it can feel like your sex life is destined for monotony. But if you know where to look, you will never run out of new ideas.
Trying new things is essential for many couples to
keep their sex lives exciting in long-term relationships. Just make sure you discuss everything beforehand — and during and after. "With all sex acts, you’ll want to discuss you boundaries, desire, and concerns in advance and debrief when you’re done," Astroglide's resident sexologist Dr. Jess O'Reilly, tells Bustle. "Set boundaries and agree upon what is acceptable within the confines of your relationship. Don’t worry about what others (including experts) have to say. You decide what is dis/allowed in your own relationship as a team."
If you're looking to
switch up your sex life, here are just a few ways that you can find inspiration.
Share Your Favorite Sex Scenes
Chances are, you've both been turned on at some point by a TV or movie sex scene. Watch these scenes together (you can usually find them on Youtube), or watch the full movies on your next night in, then reenact the parts that turn you on.
Or, you can get deeper and pick something that starts a discussion. "Whether you’re watching a sitcom that pokes fun at public sex and sex mishaps or a documentary on sex around the world, talk about how these topics and scenarios make you feel," Dr. Jess says. "You might be surprised by what you’ll discover about your partner and yourself, and you can use these conversations to inspire you to try new things including exploring new fantasies, role play, positions, toys, dirty talk, and kinks."
Mainstream porn tends to be pretty repetitive and often degrading or just not realistic. "You might find that amateur porn provides a greater variety of scripts and scenarios," says Dr. Jess. You can find an amateur section on most porn sites or visit sites like
Make Love Not Porn, where real couples share videos of themselves getting it on.
Use A Webcam Model Service
"Webcam models perform live, and you can even make requests and interact," Dr. Jess explains. "The experience will be more spontaneous than porn, as you cannot predict what will happen next with other guests interacting and bidding on specific acts." Just decide in advance whether you're going to interact with the models or just watch, what you'll do if you become uncomfortable, and other parameters.
If you have friends who are comfortable talking about their sex lives, they can provide a wealth of information. And unlike watching porn or movies, where you're a passive viewer, you can ask each other questions.
"You may not want to have sex in exactly the same ways as all of your friends, but their sexual stories — the funny, the odd and the obscene — may spark something new in you," says Dr. Jess. "For example, if a single friend tells you about an attempt to hook up with a Tinder date in a bar, you might recreate a similar scenario with your partner as a role play or via dirty talk. Or you might decide to peruse online dating sites with your partner as part of your foreplay routine."
Sex dreams can be weird, hot, and everything in between. If they're on the weird side of the spectrum, they can give you both a good laugh. If they're on the hot side, they can be fodder for real-life sex.
"Most of your dreams probably don’t make sense, but they may be worth exploring," says Dr. Jess. "You might be surprised at some of your partner’s dreams and reactions, and it can be fun to try things out even if they’re not a perfect ten."
Talk About What Makes You Uncomfortable
Sometimes, there's a fine line between discomfort and arousal. "Are there any uncomfortable or surprising feelings that you associate with sexual pleasure or arousal? You might want to explore if any of these feelings are also exciting," says Dr. Jess. "For example, does it bother you when your partner admires other people? Could this jealousy also be a turn-on? Look for subversive experiences to see how you might work with them via fantasy."
On subreddits like
r/sex and Sex Confessional, people share their own sexual experiences and fantasies. You may find that you yourself are turned on by someone else's exploits or X-rated thoughts.
"Don’t feel pressure to embrace what’s new and trending — in or out of the bedroom," says Dr. Jess. "If you’re happy with what you’re doing, that’s OK too. For some people, small changes (e.g. sex in a different place or at a different time) can be enough keep the sexual spark ignited. We don’t all have to be swinging from chandeliers or planning orgies." In the end, it's whatever works for you and your partner.