7 Signs Your New Relationship May Be Toxic In The Future
Can you avoid a toxic relationship? When you're wrapped up in the early stages of being newly infatuated with someone or in love, it's not always easy to see the red flags of a toxic relationships, no matter how bright they are or how much they're waving right in your face.
Studies say many people will find themselves in a toxic relationship at least once in their life. While toxic relationships vary in their severity and what constitutes as toxic can feel different for different people, they're not always easy to spot. But the common thread for most of these toxic relationships — whether they involve lying, cheating, or some sort of abuse— is that they're not easy to end.
But if you could stop a relationship that's bound to be toxic at some point in its tracks you'd probably save yourself a lot of grief, turmoil, and wasted energy. So how do you do that? It's all about stepping outside yourself, paying attention to how you're feeling, and reading the signs early on.
Here are seven signs, according to relationship experts, that your new relationship, no matter how awesome it may feel at the moment, could be toxic in the future.
1. Your Partner Isn't Sharing Your Experiences On Social Media
Although it might be painful to admit this, our social media is perfectly curated to show the world what we want them to see and think about us. If your new partner isn't showing you off — or at all —on their social media accounts, experts say that says something bigger.
"If they aren’t, it’s because they are treating you like we do our social media streams," behavioral scientist and creator of Your Happiness Hypothesis Method, Clarissa Silva, tells Bustle. "The shiniest object is what we stop at, then move onto the next shiny object. But, there is a vicious cycle to these dating patterns."
2. There's Drama From The Get-Go
Do you find yourself talking about your relationship issues to friends more often than not? While it's not bad to ask your friends for relationship advice, if it's early on and you're noticing you're venting to people other than your partner, something could be up.
"If you’re constantly ear polluting your friends with your relationship drama, chances are you know something isn’t right and you’re seeking some sort of validation about how unhappy you are in the relationship," says Silva. "Underlying that coping mechanism, is the hope that you are going to feel empowered to make changes for your future happiness. However, venting allows you to avoid dealing with the issues with the person that is creating the unhappiness."
3. You Start Recognizing Patterns Of Past Toxic Relationships
If you've been in a toxic relationship before then, ideally, you should be aware of what they look like because things will start to feel a little too familiar. At this point, it's important to weigh the pros and cons of staying or leaving.
"In many relationships, sometimes we have failed to listen to what they were saying and their lies became our lies," says Silva. "Once you realize this is a feature of your relationships, then you can see if this yields a pattern in your life."
4. You're Not At Your Best
If your partner isn't giving you the emotional and mental support to be your best, then it's a sign that that things may evolve into a toxic mess.
"One of the key elements about a relationship is that it should make you a better version of yourself," says Silva. "If that is not happening, you have to exit while you still recognize yourself."
5. You Start To Think You May Be Settling
If you're already feeling like you're settling early on in your relationship, pay attention to those feelings.
"Settling for any reason creates a false sense of intimacy, hope, trust, and disillusionment in the relationship," says Silva. "If you are lying to yourself in the relationship, it's easy to disillusion yourself about the realities of the relationship. ...You are changing your tolerance level of other people's lies they tell themselves and you accepting it as your reality."
6. You're Fighting More Than A New Couple Should
Although arguing is a normal — and healthy — part of a relationship, arguing too early in a new relationship is likely to be indicative of what's to come.
"Are you frequently fighting?" asks Silva. "Sometimes frequent fighting about things that cannot change is you fighting with yourself."
7. You're Getting Glimpses Of A Different Person
One of the best — and worst — things about falling in love is that we see this person the way we want to see them. But while no one is perfect, it's important to make sure you're both being honest about who you are early on.
"Circumstances around the person can change, but people take a longer time to change," says Silva. "Sometimes people might not be completely honest with themselves and aren’t ready to be honest with you or can’t be honest with you."
While it might be devastating to realize your relationship has the potential to be toxic in the future, what's more devastating is finding yourself in a toxic relationship. So if you're noticing the signs, it's time to take stock in what you have and figure out your next move.