8 Things You'll Never Have To Ask For In A Healthy Relationship
In order to have a healthy relationship — where you both meet each other's needs, feel fulfilled, and so on — you and your partner will need to keep communicating, even when you're really happy. It will always be necessary to make an effort, and problems will still arise that you'll need to address. But if you've already put in a lot of work, and created a healthy relationship, there's a good chance you'll never have to ask for certain core things.
For example, you probably won't have to beg your partner for their support, attention, or time. And they won't feel the need to ask, either, because they already have it. These things happen naturally, since you've already talked about what matters most to you both, and thus go about it without a second thought.
You might, however, occasionally need to remind each other. And that's OK. "No relationship truly exists where you never have to ask for things," Joshua Klapow, PhD, clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, tells Bustle. "However, in healthy relationships, these things are rarely an issue, rarely a request, and rarely need to be discussed."
Read on for a few things you likely won't have to ask for if your relationship is healthy, according to experts.
1. Alone Time
"In a healthy relationship, you should never have to ask for a chance to spend time by yourself," Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells Bustle. Whether that means relaxing alone on the weekends, visiting different friend groups, or having solo hobbies, "your partner should understand that spending some time apart is both healthy and normal."
It shows that you're both individuals, despite being in a relationship. And can also be a sign of trust. If you're both comfortable and secure enough to do things separately, you know you have a healthy relationship.
"Both partners should have a basic level of respect for each other simply for being in a relationship together," Bennett says. And this includes never having to remind each other to be kinder with your words.
"If you feel that you have to ask your partner to respect you, or that you have to constantly prove your worth, then the relationship isn't as healthy as it should be," Bennett says.
3. Quality Time Together
It should go without saying that you'll spend plenty of quality time together, where it's just the two of you. As Bennett says, "If you’re constantly bugging your partner for date nights, cuddle time, or even just to eat dinner together, it’s a sign that the relationship isn’t healthy. Quality time should happen naturally because both partners want it."
Trust is one of the cornerstones of a healthy relationship, so you likely won't find yourself asking for validation, or questioning your partner's commitment levels.
"You may engage in behaviors that make them feel uncomfortable and they may ask about those," Dr. Klapow says. "But at the core you should never have to ask your partner to trust you." And vice versa. "A healthy relationship means your behaviors are such that their trust is never violated," he says.
"You never have to question your partner’s commitment to you and the relationship if you are in a healthy relationship," therapist Amita Ghosh, M.S., M.Ed., LPCC-S, tells Bustle. You just know they have your back, and you've got theirs.
6. Emotional Support
No matter what you're going through, you should never have to beg your partner for emotional support. "You need to know that they are there for you and you don’t have to ask for it," spiritual counselor and relationship expert Davida Rappaport, tells Bustle. "They should be able to see it in your face, body language, mood, etc. Be mindful that there may be times when they may miss your cues. In that instance, you can still ask them for it and they will be right there."
7. Undivided Attention
"Healthy relationship require a give-and-take when it comes to communication — both talking and listening," Rappaport says. But if something dire is happening, or you simply need an open ear, your partner should be down to listen.
That doesn't mean, though, that healthy couples need to drop everything to focus on each other, 24/7. "You can always hold your thought for another time, unless it is urgent or important," Rappaport says.
8. Confirmations Of Their Love
"In healthy relationships, partners are consistently showing each other their appreciation and love through words and actions," communication expert Sofia Santiago, tells Bustle.
If you two are on solid ground, neither of you will feel the need to say things like "do you really love me?" You may want to go out of your way to keep the spark alive, and assure each other from time to time.
But when you're in a healthy relationship, it won't feel like you have to ask for these things — as it'll already be known.