When you get into a relationship with someone new, you can only hope that they'll be just as serious about you as you are about them. But let's be real. If that actually happened, there wouldn't be as many breakups and heartbreak in the world. More often than not, out right asking someone if they're serious about you can be pretty awkward. So luckily, if you want to know
how to tell if your partner is serious about you, there are some habits that may give you an indication.
According to experts, a partner who's
serious about your relationship won't hesitate to do certain major things for you. "Although honesty is arguably the most important component of any relationship, it’s vulnerability that demonstrates sincerity, determination, and commitment," Caleb Backe, a Health and Wellness Expert for Maple Holistics, tells Bustle. A person who's serious about you will be able to open up and show their vulnerable side. When someone's able to fully open themselves to another person, love can develop.
"Not every relationship starts out strong, but there are a few crucial signs to look out for which can indicate that your partner isn’t serious about the relationship," Backe says. So if your partner can't do any of the following favors for you, they might not be as serious about things as you think.
Have Dinner With You And Your Family
"In this day and age, it is not that big of a deal for someone to casually
meet the parents anymore," relationship coach and expert, Jenna Ponaman, CPC, tells Bustle. If your partner can't commit to having dinner with you and your family, they might not be serious about the relationship. It's the same thing if they're not willing to introduce you to theirs, especially if you've been together for a good while. If this is the case, talk to them about it and hear them out — they may have a reason.
Lend You Money When You Need It
Money tends to be a touchy subject for couples. You may never have to ask your partner to lend you money, but it's good to know your partner has your back if you need it. "A serious partner would want to lend you the money so they can support you as best as they can," Ponaman says. If your partner can lend you money, it also shows that they trust you. "There may be a mutual agreement that my money is our money," she says. "But if you were to borrow, your partner knows you would replenish within the confinements of the mutual agreement you set forth."
Be There For You When You're Going Through Something
When someone is going through a tough time like the death of a family member, showing support is tricky. Many times, people just don't know how to react or be there for others in the "right" way. But according to Ponaman, people that are in serious relationships are willing to go through the discomfort of something like this. "Being there to support their partner on that emotional level will mean more to them than standing in an awkward position," she says.
Delete Their Dating Profiles
"If your partner still has a profile on dating sites or apps, that should tell you that they're not prepared to take themselves on the market and settle in with you," Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C, director of the
Baltimore Therapy Center tells Bustle. More often than not, you probably won't have to ask your partner to take their profiles down. It's something that should happen naturally once you've established you're in a committed relationship. But if they may make excuses like they're just looking for friends, or haven't gotten around to taking it down yet, or they're just curious, Bilek says it's an indicator that they're not really serious.
Move Their Schedule Around For You
As Steve Mindel, managing partner at
FMBK in Los Angeles and Certified Family Law Specialist, tells Bustle, a partner who is serious about you will make time for you. "A person who's not [serious] will be mostly interested in the romance aspect of your being together including sex," he says. They might take very little interest in what you like, but may make a big deal out of making sure you enjoy what they like. For some reason, they have no problem making time for their friends, but planning a date in advance is a huge challenge. In short, you may not feel like their priority, and if this is the case it's something you should address together.
Keep Their Phone Away When You Want To Spend Quality Time Together
"A partner who's serious about you will make time for you in their lives," relationship expert and therapist,
Alisha Powell, PhD, LCSW, tells Bustle. That means they won't want you to feel neglected in any way and will do their best to be completely present when you're together. Most importantly, if you are spending time together, they won't let distractions get in the way. But if they allow their phone to interrupt your couples time, that's not a good thing.
If your partner's phone is getting in the way, Mindel says it's important to let your partner know early on in the relationship that when you need a quiet moment without interruption, phones should be off and out of reach. "Discussing it early on in a kind way will establish a healthy 'communication pattern' from the start," he says.
Make Long-Term Plans With You
Where is your relationship going? It's a question all couples need to ask at some point. If your partner will brush off any talks about the future including making vacation plans, that's not a good sign. "Someone who is not serious about the relationship will avoid making plans for the future because they don’t plan to stick around," psychotherapist
Emily Mendez, M.S. EdS, tells Bustle.
Listen To Your Concerns About The Relationship
If your partner won't listen to the concerns you have about them or the relationship, they might not serious about it. For instance, do you feel like you fight too much? Are you uncomfortable with any of their habits? "If you bring these up and they dismiss you or refuse to address the issues, it's a sign that they're not really willing to change for betterment of your relationship," Bilek says. "To be serious about any relationship, you need to be ready to own your stuff and consider change as needed." Of course expecting someone to change completely is unrealistic, but healthy growth can be expected from a relationship.
If someone is not as serious about the relationship as you are, you have a major decision to make. Are you willing to wait it out and hope for change? Or have you given it enough time and enough is enough? You may not have the power to really change a person, but you do have the power to change your circumstances. If you want a partner who's just as serious about you as you are about them, you can have that. It's just up to you decide whether or not your current partner truly is it.