If your partner is in this for the long haul, there will likely be several signs of your mutual commitment. You two will talk about the future, make plans for things like kids and weddings (if that's your thing), and really truly invest in each other's lives. But if they're not planning on sticking around, you might notice some subtle signs your partner isn't taking things seriously. Unforutnately, this will look like the exact opposite — no chats about babies or weddings, and no "we" talk or plans for the future.
Coming to the realization that you're not on the same page can be pretty distressing, so you'll want to have a conversation about it ASAP. Sit down with your partner, figure out what's up, and try to determine if you both want the same things. It may be they don't want to commit, or that they're just not ready. They might not even realize they're doing anything wrong. But the only thing you need to focus on is if they're willing to make changes.
If not, it may be time to move on. "Don't diminish your desires to want to be in a serious, committed relationship in order to appease your present partner who isn't all in," life coach Kali Rogers, founder of Blush Online Life Coaching, tells Bustle. Investing in something that isn't going anywhere is not only a waste of time, but it can be incredibly painful. Read on for a few signs your partner isn't taking things seriously.
1. They Don't Ever Talk About The Future
There will come a time when talk of the future — like moving in together or having kids — starts to become a part of the ongoing conversation. So take note if this just isn't happening. "If you have been together for at least ... a year and a half and have not talked about future plans for progressing the relationship, that's not a good sign," says Rogers. "If your partner is not discussing future endeavors with you, chances are they aren't completely invested for the long haul."
2. Weddings And Whatnot Haven't Come Up
Every couple is different, and not everyone wants to get married or have kids. But if these things are important to you, make sure your partner is happy with the idea, too. If they avoid talking about kids or marriage or moving in together, Rogers tells me it may be more than time for a chat. If you're not cool with waiting, it's probably time to move on.
3. They Hardly Ever Use The Word "We"
If your partner's planning on spending their life with you, they'll likely stop talking in the singular sense. "Couples who are in it together talk about the future as a package deal," Rogers says. If your SO is all "when I do this" and "when I do that," it may be a subtle sign they aren't ready to make a lifelong commitment.
4. You're Not Their Main Focus
While it's important to have lives outside the relationship, you should definitely be wary of a long-term SO who can't seem to put you first. "One clear sign your partner isn't taking your relationship seriously is that he or she is always giving attention to someone or something else: coworkers, hobbies, friends, exes, etc," says certified counselor and relationship expert David Bennett. "If you aren't being taken seriously, you will become peripheral in their life."
5. He Or She Always Breaks Their Promises
Not everyone's perfect 100 percent of the time, but take note if your partner consistently lets you down, especially if they seem unwilling to change their ways. As speaker and spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport tells me, your partner should care enough about your feelings to make more of an effort. And if they don't, it may be that they just aren't taking your relationship seriously.
6. They Aren't Being Respectful
If your partner has lost respect for you, it may be time to run far in the other direction — not only because you deserve so much better, but because a worthwhile partner wouldn't dream of doing such a thing. "This can manifest in many ways," Rappaport says. "Once your partner stops respecting you, the relationship is pretty much over."
7. They Can't Be Bothered To Meet Your Fam
It's not a requirement to get involved with each other's families. But if your family is important to you, it's pretty telling if your partner can't be bothered to meet them. As Rappaport says "For many people, meeting close friends and family members often signals 'commitment.'" So it's definitely something worth thinking about.
8. They Act Like They're Single
If your partner gives off "I'm single" vibes, it can (and should) raise some warning bells. Do they come and go as they please, chat strangers up at the bar, or do whatever they want without considering you? If so, Rappaport tells me they're clearly not interested in being in anything super serious.
9. Your Sex Life Doesn't Feel Right
You two should feel free to have has much sex as you please, but take note if it seems like all your partner wants to do is hook up. "No hanging out or going to a movie and dinner... just sex and then [they're] back to the laptop or on the phone texting someone else," says relationship counselor Julienne B. Derichs, LCPC. This just isn't how a loving long-term partners should behave.
10. They Don't Ask About Your Day
If your partner was in this for reals, they'd show it by being interested in little things, like how you spent your day. "Sharing the events of our lives, including allowing SO to know what we’re thinking about and feeling, is essential to the experience of connecting — an important element of a healthy long-term relationship," Derichs says. If they don't care, or are always "too busy" to catch up, don't make excuses for them. It's definitely not OK.
11. They Get Weird When You Bring These Issues Up
If you have a concern or something's been bugging you, your partner should be willing to talk it out and figure out some solutions. If they can't be bothered, get quiet, or change the subject when you bring up an issue, Rappaport tells me it's likely a sign they don't want a long-term commitment.
If any of this sounds familiar, of if these issues are becoming more frequent, it may be time to question the health and longevity of your relationship.
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