Someone Invented A “Forktula” So You Can Lick Your Plate Clean Without Embarrassing Yourself

They said it couldn’t be done. That we didn’t have the time, the resources, the technology. But, folks, we’ve done it; we’ve made another utensil. It’s a fork-spatula hybrid called a “forktula” and it is the silverware all us big, sloppy BBs deserve. And well, actually, we didn’t do it; Firebox did.

Firebox is the online retailer responsible for such classic products as the crying unicorn candle and, more recently, this life-sized lollipop that looks like your face. They specialize in all kitsch gifts weird and wonder and the “forktula” is certainly that.

For $11.39, you can own the latest in utensil technology: a little bitty attachment that slides onto your fork tines and turns it, alchemy-like, into a little bitty spatula. Made of food-safe silicone, the forktula is easy to clean and also small enough to carry with you wherever you no. Never again will you find yourself at a restaurant, desperately trying to scrape the last of your delicious saucy bits off the plate in humiliating fervor: the forktula is here for (mostly) embarrassment-free dining.

The description for the forktula is spitting fighting words like “superior to a spoon” and “more efficient than fingers.” So, sorry, fingers and spoons, but ya burnt.

“What could you possibly need a forktula for?” you say. I’m so glad you asked. Firebox’s product description mentions “bolognese or blueberry yoghurt” and “sticky toffee or sriracha” as well as “mmm, sauces” as foods all well within the forktula territory. But why stop there.

The forktula is perfect for:

• When you’re eating birthday cake and want all of the frosting
• When you’re trying to get that stubborn last bit of boxed mac and cheese
• When you’ve got a dry noodle left and want to scrape the sauce remnants for the perfect sauce-noodle bite
• When you want to lick a pudding cup clean so badly you’re willing to dirty an additional utensil for it
• When the pie is all gone except for some drips of yummy pie filling that you don’t want to go to waste.

What are you going to do instead? Hold a fork AND a full-sized spatula? Get real. The possibilities are truly endless if you just believe in yourself and trust in your forktula.

Friends, we’re living in a time of peak fork technology. The forktula, while certainly breaking down barriers in fork-centric dining, is one of a few pioneering forces in the fork frontier.

Amazon currently sells a pickle fork. To clarify, that is a fork just for pickles. It is both the epitome of excess and also kinda tacky and excuse me while I update my Amazon wish list. Anyone who’s ever soiled their hands with pickle juice trying to reach a submerged pickle will likely be willing to invest $6 in this new, innovative product. If you’re wondering how it’s different from a regular fork, the answer is: it’s smaller, has an attachment that hooks it on to the pickle jar, and why do you need to question what is good and pure in the world?

Last year, McDonald’s introduced the world to the “frork” AKA a fork made of french fries. Complete with a plastic handle — what’s the point if your fingers get all french fry salty? — the frork was ideal for scooping up at the delicious, saucy remnants your burger left behind. But why stop at the frork? Give me a plate made a fries, a straw made of fries. Turn my fingers into french fries and leave me be, oh great Potato Gods.

So, stop living in the past and get with the fork future. You’ll love it here. We’ve got clean plates and the last bit of frosting.