A Past-Life Reading Of My Relationships Helped Me Figure Out What I Want In A Partner

Amanda Chatel

As someone who doesn’t believe in God, I tend to lean toward other things in which to put my faith. From astrology, to whole-heartedly believing my wish will come true every time I toss a euro in the Trevi Fountain, to burning palo santo regularly to get rid of negative energy, I am that person. So when the opportunity came up to have my past lives read to see how they affect my relationships now, I was more than game.

"Having a past life reading done can help answer questions and offer missing pieces to help you better understand a current life lesson,” Rev. Liliana Barzola, an intuitive and founder of Lotus Lantern Healing Arts, tells Bustle. For example, if a relationship experience has been weighing on your mind, for $145 an hour, Rev. Liliana can help make sense of it, by understanding the origin of it from one of your previous lives.

While to some this thinking might seem hokey, intuition does have its value. A 2016 study by researchers at the University of New South Wales found that the study’s participants were able to make “more confident and accurate decisions” based on images they were exposed to outside their conscious awareness. For the researchers, this provided proof that intuition does have its value, and doesn’t need to be steeped in reason — or conscious awareness — to have a purpose. Although the reading of past lives isn’t regarded as science, there’s still something to it — at least for those who believe in it. If it doesn't cause harm, and it brings you understanding or closure, that's what matters.

For me, I thought that if I could learn something from my past lives, it could help me to choose better partners for me and I could be a better partner myself. Maybe with knowledge of the exact origin of this, I’d at least be willing to make the necessary changes in the relationships I have in this life. Or, if that didn’t come up, perhaps I could have proof, finally, that I was both Cleopatra and Anaïs Nin in my past lives.

Klublu/Shutterstock

So with that, Rev. Barzola asked me to say my name three times to check my energy, and we got started. According to Rev. Barzola, my third chakra, also known as the Solar Plexus Chakra is one of gemstone-like colors like blue, purple, and gold. Although the third chakra is yellow, vibrations from the chakras can yield different frequencies of color. Having blue and purple in this chakra allows an intuitive to see my creativity and perception. From here, although unrelated to my chakras, Rev. Barzola says she could feel that although not always glamorous, I live — and have lived — different lives from most people.

Rev. Barzola found that I have love for myself, that I’m waiting for intimacy and real connection (contrary to what I might say to friends and lovers), and there's also some trauma and betrayals in there that are reddish-brown in color. She did her best to clear these chords, as she called them, removing the isolation and pain that came with these betrayals.

Then we got in to my past lives. As Rev. Barzola explains, the more developed one’s soul is, the more past lives they’ve had. Older souls who have, essentially, been around the block more than a few times, have complicated lives, unlike their younger soul counterparts. Rev. Barzola said I have lived at least 100 lives. It seems that in this life and all the ones before it, I’ve been complicated. I can’t say that I’m surprised by this at all.

Not only have I reportedly lived many lives, but I’ve lived in many places. In these lives I loved and was loved. I seem to have put love, sex, and philosophy before money, although I appear to have been somewhat comfortable in the few lives of mine Rev. Barzola covered. Although there is betrayal in my past lives, both romantic and platonic, by both men and women, I didn’t let it destroy me. I was fiercely independent, knew my worth, feminist for the times in which I lived, and didn’t feel any shame in my sexuality and sensuality. Based on what I gathered, I was strong and in knowing this now, maybe I can open my heart and mind to let that strength spill over into this life because, damn, I could really use it.

Thankfully, we have two more opportunities to be together before this lifetime is over

So what does all this mean for me in the here and now? According to Rev. Barzola, I’m coming from an unconventional world, one in which it’s not going to be necessarily easy for me to find “someone who can deal with my bullsh*t." In my past lives, I’ve learned that I need a challenge and someone who will empower me when I’m being a total pain in the ass, instead of caving to my every whim and not willing to put up a fight to make it right. I don’t have just one soulmate in this lifetime, but “about six or seven who have been incarnated,” bouncing around waiting for our paths to cross. It’s going to be another year or two until the person I am in this life will find the one with whom she should settle down and, hopefully, by then I will have worked on my communication so it can stop being so subpar. (Yes, she told me I really need to work on my communication.)

The person whom I believe to be my soulmate in this life is someone with whom I have an intimate psychic connection and soulmate energy; he's also my anchor, but when one of us gets stuck in the mud, we both do — not exactly a good thing for a partnership. Due to lifestyle choices we can’t be together; it would mean one of us having to give up something we love up. But, thankfully, we have two more opportunities to be together before this lifetime is over, so that’s hopeful news.

Ultimately, the lives I’ve lived, according to Rev. Barzola, have been pretty badass. It seems that I’ve lived and loved on my own terms, which is what I seem to be doing in this life, too. I do find it annoying that I’ve lived hundreds of lives so far and I’m still a thorn in the side of my partners and lovers, but maybe that’s just part of my charm and I shouldn’t worry about it. More than anything, I love that I've loved and been loved in hundreds of different lives, and each of those people I was has an impact on who I am today, and who I will be in my next lives. I don't fear death, but if I did, I'd find solace in knowing that whatever messes I have in one life, I have another chance to make them right — and to love and be loved again.