Most people don’t care if their partners share their style or music taste, but many want partners who share their values. After all, our values dictate how we act in every situation. So, people with incompatible values are prone to rubbing each other the wrong way.
A relationship can only work between two people with conflicting values if they both feel free to hold and express those values, Divorce and Women’s Empowerment Coach Heather Debreceni tells Bustle. However, this can get tricky. People often end up feeling like they can’t express their conflicting values without getting into an argument, so they suppress them. This can make you feel like you’re losing yourself in the relationship.
Another thing to think about is which values are most important to you, Tristan Coopersmith, licensed psychotherapist and founder of LifeLab, tells Bustle. For example, maybe you’d prefer your significant other be punctual, but you could date a chronically late person if they’re also passionate about social justice. You may be able to compromise on some values but not others.
Here are some signs you and your partner don’t really see eye to eye on the things held nearest and dearest to your hearts.