In 2013, I met a man whom I called
my sexual soulmate. Although I don't believe in soulmates, per se, of the romantic notion because it just feels far too limiting, I definitely believe in . I also believe you can have more than one. But he was the first and, so far, the only one to fit the bill of being my sexual soulmate. While that relationship is no longer, I still believe I have another sexual soulmate out there. And when I meet him, I'll know right away, just like I did the night I first slept with the man I met in 2013. It was like... fire and magic, sexual soulmates all wrapped into one sexual explosion. You know, the type of thing you only see in movies, so when it happens in real life, your mind is blown.
But really, what is a sexual soulmate? "Your sexual soulmate is more concerned about your orgasm than theirs," Clarissa Silva, Behavioral Scientist and author of relationship blog
You're Just A Dumbass tells Bustle. "Your partner wants to absorb and learn all things that pleases you every time you have sex."
Now the even bigger question: have you found your sexual soulmate or are they still out there waiting for you? Well, here are the nine signs that will let you know if and/or when you've found them.
There's No Room For Selfishness
As Silva says, you know that you've found your sexual soulmate, when your orgasms become paramount. Of course, on the flip side, this means that their orgasm is paramount to you, too. With sexual soulmates,
there's absolutely no selfishness in bed.
You're In Tune With Each Other
Although it's extremely important to
communicate in your relationship, especially in regards to sex, with your sexual soulmate, communicating with words isn't always necessary to convey what you want and need. Intuition just takes over and more can actually be expressed without words.
"As the relationship evolves, you both become more in tune with each other, making it is easier to be more intuitive about each other’s needs," says Silva. "The beauty is that you won’t have to negotiate what you might need, your partner will just act on it."
They Want To Know Everything There Is To Know About You
Because sexual soulmates are all about, being on the same page about sex, this involves a lot of learning about each other. Your partner, according to Silva, is like a sponge, who wants to learn everything about you, absorb it to a point that they're pretty much overflowing with all the knowledge necessary to make sure
you're always, . always sexually satisfied
Exploration Is Effortless
While it does take time for some couples to reach a point where sex just flows naturally, with a sexual soulmate, not only do you reach that point faster, but
you both want to expand and explore things even deeper. And, because of this sexual connection you have, your exploration delves into places that other couples might fear to tread.
"In general, with each sexual encounter, you are learning more about you, about the other person, what your risk and tolerance levels are, and what your emotional boundaries are," says Silva. "Your sexual soulmate almost functions on the same wavelength as you do and knows what might enhance your already compatible experience."
You're Not Afraid To Be Vulnerable
When things become effortless, especially in exploring sex, there is a level of trust that's created. As Silva explains, this "trust removes vulnerability which allows both of you to explore without judgement." But at the same time, because
being vulnerable in intimate situations can be a good thing, you're also not afraid to be vulnerable, honest, and basically say, "Yes, I'm totally into XYZ and I know you accept me for it, so I'm telling you because I know you're not going to judge me.
They Make You A Better Person
As with all positive influences that come into our life, we're better for it. Sexual soulmates, in the positive influence they offer, are no different in this regard. Suddenly, you're the cheery, positive person in the office because your sexual soulmate has made you realize aspects about yourself and, one of the
most important things that any partner can do, they've challenged you.
"Naturally, you both will feel higher levels of trust, fidelity and gratitude for one another," says Silva. "Your partner will help you realize your fully actualized self, the one that challenging your insecurities, doubts, and fears."
They Make You More Confident (Outside The Bedroom, Too)
"Research shows that the more confident you are in who you are sexually, the higher your satisfaction and gratification levels are," says Silva. "Your
intense sexual compatibility and desirability increases your self confidence because it is based on the uniqueness of you. Not your hair color, body type, or any other characteristic that you think you can be replaced by."
Basically, have you ever met a person who's having great sex not strut down the street thinking they're the cat's pajamas?
You Experience Transcendental States
It may sound like some hippy-dippy hoopla, as my father would say, but when you have such an intense sexual connection with another person, so much so that they are, indeed, your sexual soulmate, it will absolutely take you to places you've never been before. And others may take note.
"When you achieve transcendental states often, you exude chemistry that becomes evident to anyone around you," says Silva.
You Can't Get Enough Of Each Other
"You prefer to spend time with your partner being intimate than being social or fill relationship voids until you achieve the level you have with your sexual soulmate," says Silva.
I mean, why go out when your greatest satisfaction is right there beside you, with a person who knows you and understands you in ways that most people never will?
Finding your sexual soulmate is like hitting the jackpot. But, it should be said that just because someone's your sexual soulmate, that doesn't mean that they you two are cut out to be the perfect couple either. Although sex and love
can go together, they can also easily exist as separate entities. So if you meet your sexual soulmate, but can't figure out, for the life of you, why you can't really get the relationship part down, you might just have to accept — and embrace — that while you're totally meant to be in the sex department, you might not be meant to be in the relationship department.