It is an indisputable, scientific fact that guacamole is perfection in food form, so we are naturally wary as a population when anyone tries to alter it (cough, New York Times). But this, my fellow avocado stans, is decidedly a welcome change in the guacosphere: Chipotle is selling half-pound guacamole portions as a side item or with a large order of chips, which is double the portion you usually get when you order it on the side. In other words, cancel all your weekend plans, because they just got replaced with taking unholy amounts of guacamole to the face.
It's worth noting that National Guacamole Day — which, weirdly, has not been recognized for as a Federal Holiday worthy of getting us the subsequent Monday off from work — is Sunday, Sept. 16, which is why Chipotle is blessing us with this double guac bonanza. The new portions will come in 8-oz. containers, versus the usual 4-oz. that you're used to getting; and while, yes, a person could ostensibly just order two sides of guac and end up with the same amount as this new ~double guac~ situation, that kind of logic detracts from the majesty of this GIGANTIC THING OF GUACAMOLE, so I refuse to acknowledge it.
In fact, the only thing I will be acknowledging on this day is this image of aforementioned half-pound guacamole, which is showcased below.
For context, here's the side you usually get, which I have now dubbed "Smol Guac" in accordance to it getting knocked down a peg by her cooler older sister, "Tol Guac".
“Guac has long been one of Chipotle’s most beloved items,” said Chris Brandt, chief marketing officer at Chipotle, in a statement. “In fact, customers order nearly 50 million pounds of guacamole from our restaurants per year, and we use more than 450,000 avocados in our restaurants every single day. Many of our customers can’t get enough of our guac, and we’re thrilled to give people even more options to get their guac fix.”
This isn't the only way Chipotle is celebrating; the chain is also releasing more Chipotle GIPHY stickers on Instagram Stories next week, as well as guacamole-themed stickers and filters on Snapchat. Basically, next week you can achieve Peak Guac in both the real and digital world.
If this ends up being a successful stunt for the chain, it won't be the first fast-casual spot to dabble in the greatness of double; Panera recently launched a Double Bread Bowl, giving customers in certain regions the ability to order not one, but two soups (or mac and cheeses) to dunk into a giant boat of carbs. Taco Bell, not to be outdone, also released a Triple Double Crunchwrap, just to keep everyone on their multiplying toes. 2018 is apparently the year we just took all the things we loved, and made them double (which is why the internet can probably expect Noah Centineo's identical twin to pop up any time now!).
In the meantime, the new 8-oz, half-pound guac side of your dreams is calling — go chase your avocadreams.