In the beginning of a relationship, people tend to let a lot of little things slide. From being uncommunicative to slightly selfish, people may need time to transition from their single life. However, if by the one year mark your partner is still hanging onto the bad habits of the early days, that could be a huge red flag. While some habits are acceptable in the beginning of your relationship, later on they might indicate that your partner is not invested in the relationship and
could be prone to cheating.
Of course, just because your partner has bad habits doesn’t immediately mean that
they’re being unfaithful. It does, however, probably mean you should have a constructive conversation and let them know when their behavior isn't OK by you.
“The most important thing is to communicate around the problem,” Joshua Klapow, PhD, clinical psychologist and host of
The Kurre and Klapow Show, tells Bustle. “Start by being specific about the behaviors or the signs, about how they make you feel.”
It’s easy to
overthink every little thing your partner does, so to give you a better idea about signs to actually look out for, relationship experts say these habits could lead to infidelity if they're still being done after a year.
They’re On Their Own Schedule
It takes awhile to find the right balance of doing things on your own and doing activities as a couple. However, your partner is still not creating their schedule with your relationship in mind,
that’s a bad sign.
“It basically says they're not taking you into consideration,” Dr. Klapow says. “And if they're not taking you into consideration, what are they doing?”
They Can’t Tell You About Their Day
In the beginning of a relationship, you’re probably not keeping your partner in the loop on everything you do. But as you two get more comfortable, you’ll naturally start to tell them more about how you spend your days. If your partner is still leaving out major details after a year, they may not be being honest.
“After a year your partner should be able to tell you everything they did that day,” Dr. Klapow says. “If they're unaccounted for, that's a red flag.”
They’re Still Playing Games
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In the beginning of a relationship, even sending a simple text can be stressful. Both people are trying to put their best foot forward, while also trying not to seem
too interested. One of the best things about being in a long-term relationship is that the games are over. Unless they’re not.
“If they're quick to walk out the door, or leave during an argument and play games, like not respond in a text message or phone calls […] that's a major issue by that point,” Clinical psychologist,
Dr. Danielle Forshee, tells Bustle.
They’re Telling Little Lies
Relationships are built on a trust, and even small lies can erode that trust over time. If your partner constantly
lies about insignificant things like items they bought or what they were doing that morning, this can mean trouble.
“If they're lying to you about that, they could be lying to you about something else,” Dr. Klapow says.
By a year, it’s important to establish honesty with your partner.
They Don’t Come To You For Emotional Support
Reciprocal emotional support is usually a requirement in a relationship. If your partner is still outsourcing that role to friends or family, then that could indicate a lack of investment in the relationship. Dr. Klapow says that if they seem to pull away from you in hard times, they may be seeking that support elsewhere. It may be time to ask why that is.
This could mean change anything from your communication style to your personality. Anytime you enter a relationship, it takes some adjustment. But, by a year, your partner should know you pretty well and not be asking you to make major personal changes.
“They may be asking you to be more like somebody that they have interest in with the hope that you come around and then they won't have interest in them,” Dr. Klapow says.
Both physical and emotional intimacy are often key components of a healthy long-term relationship. If your partner is avoiding intimacy of any kind, that can be an indicator of unhappiness, or potentially infidelity. Dr. Klapow says that this can sometimes be “out of fear or guilt.”
“The idea that being with you either intimately in conversation or intimately in touch […] makes them feel uncomfortable,” he says.
This could be a sign they haven’t entirely opened up to you, or if it's more recent, that they’ve fallen for someone else.
Fighting, to an extent, can be healthy for a relationship. It allows you to learn how to communicate and compromise. It's a painful process, but talking through points of tension can make your relationship stronger. If your partner isn’t taking the time to work through conflict, it could be a sign they’re checked out.
“They're not invested in the relationship as much, so they don't really care about arguing,” Dr. Klapow says.
Many of these signs can be explained in other ways, so it’s important not to jump to conclusions. If your partner is showing one or more of these signs, that could mean it’s time to have a conversation. By communicating your concerns, you give your partner a chance to come clean if they are cheating. If they’re not cheating, you still have a chance to communicate your feelings and allow your relationship to grow.