For the month of September, Bustle’s Sex TBH package is talking about sex, honestly. We’re delving into how women approach the things they’re taught to be shy or embarrassed about in the bedroom — and, in doing so, we're liberating people to live their best (sex) lives. Let’s do it.
Though sex can be magnetic and amazing and exhilarating, everyone probably would define it completely differently. After all, a lot of factors are involved — your tastes and preferences, your partner's tastes and preferences, your sexuality, their sexuality. In fact, there are probably as many ways to describe sex as there are sex positions. That's why it's important not to get too caught up in comparing your sex life to others.
"A healthy sex drive is different for each person," Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, tells Bustle. "Overall, it's when we feel balanced in our desire (it feels good to us, as opposed to something being off, whether too high or low) and sexually fulfilled whether it's alone or with a partner."
Sure, sex has incredible health benefits, from reducing stress to lowering blood pressure, but the real answer to the amount of sex you should be having (and how long it should last, and what the best positions are, etc.) is whatever's best for you and your partner. We all have different sex lives — and that's one of the reasons sex is so fun to talk about. Here are the ways millennial women describe their sex lives in one word.
"Unique. Sex is never the same from partner to partner, ya know? Everyone, including myself, has different experience going in. So when you and someone else's sex lives mesh together, it's unique (bad/good/indifferent, whatever the case may be)."
"Habitual. Sex is chronic and habitual, as in never-ending, and not in a good way. It lacks originality, surprise, and is mostly habitual. It just is."
"Routine. Not necessarily in a bad way, because I do enjoy it, but it pretty much happens in the same way more often than not."
"Euphoric. I've been dating the same person for a while now, and one thing we make sure of is to never let our sex life get stale. I'd say it's 'euphoric,' because we try to make sure it's out of this world, or at least interesting, every time."
"Healthy. My sex life is healthy, as my partner and I talk about EVERYTHING — what we like, what we don't like, what we want to try, what we don't want to try. They say communication is key, and it's true in the bedroom (or on the kitchen floor!), too!"
"Magical. If you think about it, sex is magical. I mean, it's pretty easy and makes both people feel amazing (or at least should!)."
"Subpar. I know it could be better, but my boyfriend's not as into trying new things as I am. Then again, I don't want to have a 'subpar' sex life forever…"
"Fun. Let's face it: Sex is fun. Period. Yeah, we all get partners that are not as fun as others, so then the sex could lack, but it is what you make it!"
"Variety. I try to switch things up as much as I can. Even if my partner doesn't initiate something new, I do — it's my sex life, too!"
"Lonely. I'd say sex is lonely since I can rarely orgasm from my boyfriend. I can from his hand or other stimulation, but rarely during sex. "
"Surprising, because it's rarely planned, and also a new surprise with each new partner."
"Connectedness. To me, sex is all about connecting with someone, whether it's someone fleeting or a LTR. Even if you're not too attached to the person, you still connect on some level."
"Infrequent. Sadly, I don't have much sex. I'm not a swiper-for-sex person, and I don't have serious boyfriends much. When I do, I feel our sex drives are much different and they want to a lot less than I do."
"Spontaneous. I think the more often you have sex spontaneously, the better (i.e., more satisfying) it is for both people. This is true for me and my boyfriend now, and was true with me and exes, too."
As you can see, the way millennial women describe sex, and the way they experience sex, varies from person-to-person. No matter what word you use to describe it, know that sex may mean something different to everyone — and that's a good thing.