When you're into astrology, it's easy to form an opinion about someone based on their zodiac sign alone. And when it comes to dating, some people will even swipe left immediately once they see that someone's zodiac sign is incompatible to theirs. Of course, who you choose to date or not is totally up to you. But how bad is it really to date someone whose zodiac sign is incompatible to yours?
"Relationships are complex entities and to think we can determine how happy we'll be with someone else based on one aspect of our personality is a huge misnomer," Rebecca Farrar, archetypal astrologer, tells Bustle. "I've seen couples who have terrible Sun sign compatibility and have been incredibly happy together for 40 years."
In fact, Farrar says zodiac compatibility has become so oversimplified that it's a source of frustration for many astrologers. There's way more to it than you being a Taurus and your partner being a Sagittarius, or you and your partner both being Leos.
"Relationships are challenging whether you have compatible Sun signs or not, as that is the nature of intimacy," Farrar says. "While the unpredictable and uncertain nature of love can mean we want an easy way to know if we'll be happy, astrology is not the best answer, and certainly not the Sun sign."
What Astrologers Actually Look For When They're Checking For Compatibility
The Sun sign, which is just a person's birthday, is what most people look at when they're checking for compatibility. It's not a bad place to start. But as Narayana Montufar, senior astrologer at Astrology.com, tells Bustle, astrological compatibility goes beyond that.
There are many other planets to look at like each person’s Moon sign, Mercury, Venus, Mars, and Saturn, and how they interact with each other. This is information you get from knowing someone's exact date, place, and time of birth. Astrologers do synastry readings to compare two people's birth charts.
For example, you can have a bad Sun sign compatibility with someone. But if your Venus signs get along, that means you will get along well in all matters regarding love. If your Mars signs also get along, that means your sex life will be great. "In this case, while you might have some hiccups in certain areas, love and sex will work out, which is almost more important than the sun sign when it comes to relationships," Montufar says.
Looking beyond the Sun sign will also give you a better picture of your needs, communication style, love language, and what makes you feel seen and heard in your relationships.
What Dating An Incompatible Sign Will Mean For Your Relationship
First off, it doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed to fail. Nothing is set in stone and astrology can't really predict whether your relationship will last or not. But according to Montufar, it can show you the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship, based on how your birth charts interact with each other.
"In some cases, the challenge will be very obvious," she says. "But in some, Sun sign incompatibility can actually help move the energy by bringing challenge between two people." After all, if your relationship is "perfect," there's no opportunity for growth.
If you know your partner’s Sun sign is not compatible with yours, the best thing you can do is put yourself in their shoes. "They most likely see certain things completely opposite or different than you," Montufar says. So getting out of your head and seeing the big picture can help.
As Linda Lauren, fourth generation psychic medium and astrology expert, tells Bustle, you can also use the information you know about zodiac signs to give you a head's up on what to expect in your relationship and areas that might need to be worked on — but only once you've dated your partner for a while and taken the time to get to know them for who they really are.
"I've advised clients to not spend too much time thinking about their relationships from the astrological point of view, but to intuit what emotionally feels right or wrong when the two of you are together," Lauren says. "Once you have that, then you can get further into the actual signs and charts."
So the biggest lesson here is to not immediately write someone off just because they're a certain zodiac sign. There may be other aspects in someone's chart that work well with yours. Astrology is made to provide you with deeper insight into yourself and other people. You have the power to choose what you do with that information, as well the choice to work things out with someone or not.