What To Do If You Have Incompatible Signs

by Natalia Lusinski

You and a new love interest seem to have a ton in common: similar hobbies, values, and even a shared love of obscure documentaries. Until you have your first conflict and wonder if your signs are compatible. A friend says your astrological signs don’t align: you’re a Sagittarius (a Fire sign) while the seemingly wonderful person you’ve been dating is a Taurus (an Earth sign). Meaning, you’re a free spirit and spontaneous, while he or she is practical and stable. Perhaps you want to take six months off from work to travel while your partner thinks that’s the most unpractical thing they’ve ever heard. Are you doomed?

What’s in a sign, anyway? The twelve signs are broken down into four main elements: Earth, Air, Water, and Fire, which represent the elements, aka energies, of life. Each is different and contains personality differentiations, based in part on the positions of celestial objects.

So, is there such a thing as zodiac sign dealbreakers? Bustle sat down with astrologist Susan Miller for our podcast The Chat Room, and got the DL. “I think you can get along with any sign,” Miller says. “Some of them, it may be a little bit more work.”

She goes to say that an Aries gets along with Leos and Sagittarians, also Fire signs, “but you also get along great with Air signs, air is Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius.”

"Air makes fire burn more brightly, so these are signs that are easy for you to get along with," Miller says, "But I know millions of Aries that fall in love with a Capricorn. And they love that dynamic-ness that that relationship creates, and that energy. When something is what we call square — 90 degrees away — there’s a lot of energy. The Universe gives you the tools you need to cope with anything. You always have the tools there you just have to grab them. Sometimes, you may not know they’re there or, sometimes, you think ‘I can’t cope with this.’ But you can and you learn how to get along with that person."

I agree with Miller. I’m a Sagittarius (a Fire sign) and my longest boyfriend had been a Leo (also a Fire sign). However, my second-longest was a Taurus (an Earth sign), so I think there’s truth to what Miller says. She gave us an example of how, after a breakup, someone says they’ll never date that sign again. “You can’t do that,” she tells Bustle. “Just because one Virgo broke your heart doesn’t mean they all will. [They're] one-twelfth of the population. No wonder none of us are married anymore! You have to be open and generous and kind and really listen to the other person and get to know them. Give them a chance.”

Phew — we’re not doomed to only date people who share the same element: Earth, Air, Water, or Fire. But, that said, certain signs do point in that direction and seem to be more compatible with us.

Using Miller’s compatibility report (aka Matchmaker by Sign) on her site, I did some sample love connections below so we can see whom we match with best. For our purposes here, I chose what happens when we date someone of the same astrological element, though you can mix and match, of course.

Earth Signs (Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo)

Here’s an example of an Earth-Earth match, a Capricorn and Taurus.

You click on just about every level, and will find satisfaction, luxury, pleasure, and contentment in the end… Taurus is prudent, loyal, steadfast and practical -- all qualities you share and long for in a mate. Capricorns have a realistic view of marriage, and you know you will need to count on your mate. Home and family are important to both you and Taurus. Taurus rarely stray -- they respect fidelity in themselves and others. But it won't be a boring life. Taurus expect a beautiful home environment and lots of creature comforts, much to your delight… This is a highly compatible, strong match.

Air Signs (Libra, Aquarius, Gemini)

Here’s an example of an Air-Air match, a Gemini and Libra.

…Since both of you are air signs, you are analytical communicators, so lively conversation and debate will be a large part of your relationship. Libra has the same inner restlessness you do -- sticking around the house drives you both insane… After all, Libra is the partnership sign. Each of you will expose the other to stimulating new activities, and both of you will flourish for having met your cerebral match. When you and Libra get mad, you'll fight -- fairly -- and then drop the whole thing. Neither of you hold grudges… Libra can bridge many moods, from funny to serious. You are ultra-sensitive and you mirror moods, so you two are easily in sync. You'll enjoy their elegant style -- their appearance is usually so ravishing it's hard not to reach out and touch! Hang on to this soul mate -- this one's for you!

Water Signs (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces)

Here’s an example of a Water match, a Cancer and Scorpio.

This is a sexy, solid union if there ever was one! Wow -- the two of you generate lots of heat! Cancer's best match is always a water sign, and with Scorpio you've got one… Scorpios want just what you do -- a stable home, kids, privacy, and great sex for the rest of their lives! Fidelity is a hugely important issue with Scorpios -- they are possessive -- but this only reassures you about their intentions. You match each other's emotional intensity and can communicate completely without words. This is particularly helpful in times of stress when Scorpio's sharp antennae pick up unspoken distress signals just like your antennae do. Scorpios do have their moods, but so do Cancers, so you understand each other… Your Scorpio will want ultimate control but you have considerable charm and ESP on your side, Cancer. So negotiate. They are more fixed in their opinions than Cancers are, so you may have to talk your way through lots of issues with your Scorpio.

Fire Signs (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius)

Here’s an example of a Fire match, an Aries and Leo.

This is a sensational meeting of kindred souls, a sunny relationship filled with light, power, energy and strength… There will be no shortage of bright ideas, spicy conversations, and adventurous things to do… You'll adore Leo's big heart and his or her way of being able to make you smile no matter how tough a day you've had. You both are fire signs, so you want to push the boundaries of life to the limit and discover the world around you. Fire signs are highly creative, so ideas will flow easily between you… Because you want so many of the same things, you can make them come more easily… Are either of you practical? No, but you're highly productive, so hopefully you'll both generate enough cash to keep the wolf from the door. This is a partnership of two bosses, for both of you like to take charge. This is why you generate such strong electrical currents!... Leo is a fixed sign, so you may bemoan their stubbornness at times. As the slightly more flexible of the two, you may have to bend to achieve closure.

Miller also suggests doing the compatibility report between you and a friend, you and your boss, and so on, to see how you two relate. However, it’s addictive, so you’ve been forewarned.

Aside from astrological input, what advice does Miller have for us in regard to our love lives?

"Get to know the person’s friends and their family," she says, "We’re all meeting people online and you don’t know anything about them. And it’s almost become a job interview. Just because we can filter so many qualities to the surface doesn’t mean we should. You can leave some blank… The fun about finding out about someone is talking and having it revealed over five, six, seven dates. And now we have a whole dossier on somebody before we’ve even met them. I don’t even do people’s charts before I hire them — I use my intuition."

She advised that we all do the same when it comes to dating. Would you agree?

Want Susan Miller's predictions for why 2016 will be better than 2015? Check out the podcast and bonus episode below:

Images: Andrew Zaeh/Bustle; Giphy (2-7)