Should I Get Back With My Ex? Here's The Reason Most People Rekindle With Former Partners, According To A New Survey
Naturally, getting back together with an ex can be a tough call. You may want to give them another chance but you don't want to put yourself through hell all over again if nothing's changed. Well, Casino.org, a casino guide website, asked 1,000 Americans about breaking up, getting back together, and everything in between. Though they looked at all different aspects of breaking up and making up, what was really surprising was the reasons people get back together.
"What we found most surprising is that superficial efforts weren’t as likely as long-term commitments to convince most people to change their mind on a bad breakup," the team at Casino.org tells Bustle. "When people get dumped they sometimes focus on 'looking' their best or making surface-level changes to get their ex's attention. Our study found that the best way to get your ex back is to improve your lifestyle."
And it makes sense — superficial changes just aren't as significant as real changes to who you are. That being said, getting back together is not always the right option, no matter how many changes have been made. Sometimes, the reason you broke up was way bigger than that.
If you're considering getting back with an ex, make sure that you're giving yourself enough time to really think about such a big decision. “Staying too close with them and spending too much time with them does not allow you to move on from them, or to meet new people,” psychologist and love expert Dr. Nikki Martinez tells Bustle. So give yourself some space before you decide, even if they seem to have changed.
Curious as to what changes actually make a difference in terms of getting back together? Here's what the survey found.
1. Lifestyle Changes
This was the big one — 56 percent of respondents said that this could actually make change their mind about someone. As lifestyle is basically an umbrella term for everything you do in your life — from how much you party to bad habits like smoking — you can see why it would potentially be a big one.
2. An Apology And Commitment
Admitting they were wrong and promising something for the future of a relationship with another popular option, which worked with 51 percent of respondents. To me, that seems like it would have to be based on how reliable of person they were to begin with, because promises mean nothing unless you actually stick to them.
3. They Became More Focused On Physical Fitness
This one surprised me, but 51 percent of respondents approved. But, perhaps this goes beyond the superficial and addresses how exercise can affect a lot of different areas of your life, from your mood to how you spend your time. In my experience, exercise has gone hand in hand with cutting back on drinking and smoking, so there's definitely a potential for holistic benefits.
4. They Reconnected As Friends
Sometimes, you just need to take the pressure off. And 47 percent of people said that reconnecting as friends could do the trick. You get to remember what you actually liked about them and just feel like two people, without all the baggage and pressure. And sometimes, it works.
5. They Were More Willing To Make Long-Term Commitments
This is no surprise. As failure to commit can be a relationship killer, it makes sense that for 46 percent actually being willing to commit was the game-changer.
6. An Apology And A Grand Gesture
Some people like those movie moments. And for 46 percent of people, the apology and romantic gesture combination were enough to win them over.
7. They Were More Willing To Share Their Interests
Forty three percent said that sharing their interests would do the trick. It's a good way of showing that you care and are willing to invest real time and energy into the relationship, so it makes sense that this would be a compelling reason to get back together.
Whether or not you should get back together with an ex comes down to you and your relationship, but this survey shows you should look beyond your ex looking hot AF all of the sudden. If you're considering rekindling, it's important to focus on if you're any more compatible now than you were before, because that's the only way things can work out a second time around.