The 22 Most Ridiculous Things That Ever Happened On 'Riverdale,' From Betty's Strip Tease To Archie's Juvie Stint
Every week, Riverdale seems to introduce an even wilder storyline. Before the CW show premiered in January 2017, there was skepticism about how a show based on the wholesome Archie comics, but dark, would work. Surprisingly well, as it turns out! That doesn't mean there aren't crazy plot holes, insane names, bonkers storylines, and questionable resolutions, but the most ridiculous things that have happened on Riverdale often just leave fans wanting more. With every insane thing that's already happened, how could the writers possibly up the ante? Seeing them go increasingly off the rails has become half the fun of watching.
Take a quick glance at the Riverdale subreddit, and you'll see posts like, "Veronica doesn't make sense anymore," "Hahahahaha, who are you, show?" and "Okay, so like, what even is the farm? Like seriously." They're all valid points that often raise more questions than answers, but it also reveals how committed Riverdale fans are. No matter what twists and turns the show throws at viewers, they're along for the ride. When the Pretty Poisons were added to the growing roster of town gangs, why not? When a mythological, branch-adorned creature called the Gargoyle King showed up as the latest Big Bad? Sure! When Jughead uttered the line, "No one's innocent in Crime Town"? Fine, whatever. Because there are so many to keep track of, here are the 22 most out-there things that have happened on the show so far — with more assuredly to come.
1. When Cheryl Bribed Archie to Date Her
In a brief storyline from Season 1, Cheryl had a crush on the hunky redhead, and bought him a new guitar and music lessons so that he'd accompany her to family events.
2. When Jughead Gave This Infamous Speech
Jughead. Is. Weird. Got it?!
3. When Archie Totally Hooked Up With His Teacher
This show has everything: hot teens, hot teachers, and hot teens hooking up with hot teachers. But since Miss Grundy's relationship with Archie was clearly illegal, the Black Hood took care of her for good in Season 2.
4. When Cheryl Burned Down Thornhill
It's clear that the Blossom daughter doesn't have a happy home life, but going full Carrie and setting her mansion on fire was pretty drastic.
5. When Polly's Cousin Impregnated Her
Between Cheryl and Jason's eerily close bond, Penelope Blossom's marriage to her adopted brother, and Polly and Jason's twins, Riverdale has an odd affinity for incest.
6. When Betty Pole-Danced At The Whyte Wyrm
Who was more uncomfortable — Jughead, Alice Cooper, or viewers at home — as Betty undid her Chambray button-up to reveal a racy lingerie set underneath? The Cooper daughter proceeded to perform the world's most somber pole dance to the tune of "Mad, Mad World."
7. When Archie Formed The Red Circle
At the beginning of Season 2, Archie enlisted some jocks to form the Red Circle (which is somehow different from the Dark Circle). They filmed a "threatening" video directed at the Black Hood, declaring that they were legion, and they would find him.
8. When Cheryl Stalked Josie
Choni are cute and all, but do you remember when the head cheerleader gave Josie a bloody PIG'S HEART in Season 2?! Yeah, no one else seems to, either!
9. When Betty Had A Brief Cam Girl Career
Prompted by her fake brother Chic (more on him later), Betty began exploring her "dark side," which mostly involved wearing a black wig and lacy bras.
10. When Chic Was — What Was He, Exactly?
The "online gigolo" used to know Alice Cooper's oldest son, Charles Smith, who she gave to the Sisters of Quiet Mercy as a teen. Chic decided to impersonate Charles after killing him, duping the Coopers for quite some time. But after Betty learned her real brother's fate, she led Chic to the Black Hood, who presumably killed him. RIP Chic. He died as he lived: being creepy.
11. When The Vixens Wore Funereal Cheerleading Outfits
12. When Archie Became An Aspiring Mobster
In an attempt to please his girlfriend's dad, Archie started interning for Mr. Lodge and frequently said the phrase "make my bones."
13. When There Were Characters Named Poppa Poutine & Small Fry
14. When The Other Two Pussycats Disappeared
Seriously, where did Valerie and Melody go? Are they still in Riverdale? Did they make it to the big time? Are they still wearing leopard print and cat ears, day and night? These are the questions I have!!!
15. When Polly's Twins Levitated
16. When The Vixens Sang "Jailhouse Rock" Outside Archie's Juvie Center
Everything about Archie's juvie arc is ridiculous. Not only did he give his fellow inmates an inspirational talk about how high school football is like life, but when Veronica and the rest of the Vixens walked out of the forest with a single boom box and began singing with no microphones, the boys went crazy for their somehow-audible performance.
17. When Riverdale Introduced Gryphons & Gargoyles
There are a lot of name knock-offs in Riverdale, but this Dungeons & Dragons soundalike is next level.
18. When Veronica Tried To Fly Under the Radar With This Outfit
In an attempt to help Archie break out of Juvie, Veronica and Reggie wore disguises that made them look like an old-timey couple who'd come straight from the race track to pick up their ne'er-do-well teenager. It...did not work.
19. When Riley Keough Tweeted Her Way Onto The Show
In March 2018, the Girlfriend Experience actor tweeted, "I just want to be cast in Riverdale," and consequently appeared in Season 3 as a shady character named Laurie Lake, who tempted Archie with her sexual charisma. Iconic!
20. When Veronica, A Teenager, Opened A Night Club
I don't know how liquor licenses work in Riverdale, but they seem to be pretty lax. When Veronica first opened La Bonne Nuit, she decided to serve mocktails, but somewhere along the way, alcohol started appearing on the menu.
21. When Archie Was Mauled By A Bear In The Canadian Wilderness
It's unclear what exactly this storyline accomplished, but one thing is clear: the old Archie can't come to the phone right now. Why? BECAUSE HE'S DEAD!
22. When Veronica Uttered The Word "Mobsplain"
Ronnie created this term to describe the way her father's capo's talked down to her. It's a pretty iconic phrase that would be difficult to incorporate into everyday conversation, due to its specificity.
And who knows what will happen in the rest of Season 3. Will we finally figure out what the Farm is all about? Will we discover that Chic isn't dead after all? Will Veronica learn that there are consequences to her illegal actions? Will Archie finally take the SAT? The world is Riverdale's oyster.