Was My Breakup For The Best? 7 Signs You're Better Off Without Your Ex, According To Experts
Ending a relationship is almost never easy, but they tend to be turning points in our lives that signal a change for the better. When I went through my last breakup, I knew that cutting the cord was the right decision to do for myself and my personal growth – and I was completely right. Toward the end of the relationship, my ex was manipulative and untrustworthy, and the breakup ended up being for the best.
"Relationships are complicated. Passion and love only go so far when relationships take time and work to go the distance," Stef Safran, owner of Chicago-basedd matchmaking service Stef and the City, tells Bustle. "If you learn things now, it's better to leave a relationship that was going down a path that would make you both happy in the long run."
Not every end to a partnership is so clear cut. When going through a breakup, it can be hard to see any good in the situation and realize that this ending is actually a fresh start. If the split was recent, you might be searching for some indication that you did the right thing. Thankfully there are signals that can tell you that you're better off without your ex. Here are seven signs that your breakup was for the best:
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1. You Wanted Different Things
Disagreeing on wanting to get married or having kids can be extreme dealbreakers. If you and your partner's values were constantly conflicting, it's better for both of your futures that you decided to move on from the relationship.
"If you aren't on the same page now, imagine if the maybe turns into a no," Safran says. "Certain things are automatic dealbreakers in both the short and long term."
2. They Weren't Trustworthy
Did you constantly stalk your partner's social media and worry about their whereabouts because you didn't trust them 100 percent? If you did, then ending things was probably the right thing to do.
"Relationships require trust that you feel that their word means something," Safran says. "If you questioned their activities now, imagine what it would look like when life has its ups and downs."
3. They Never Put You First
Of course, you can't expect to come first in anyone's life all the time — but if you consistently felt like you weren't important to your partner, it's most likely a good thing that you split up. "If you felt that they always took their parent's or friend's side over yours, or work always was most important, it's hard to feel that your relationship would be a priority," Safran says.
4. You Feel Like A Weight Has Been Lifted
"When you feel much lighter and healthier after a break up, you did the right thing," April Masini, New York based relationship expert and author, tells Bustle. If you're feeling relieved over anything else, then it's clear that you're better off without your ex.
5. Your Friends Support The Breakup
"It’s hard to have perspective when you’re in love — especially with someone who’s not right for you," Masini says. "But your friends have a clearer view of things, and they use their boundaries when you don’t."
Since your friends have an outside perspective on your relationship, it's easier for them to see if your former partner was actually right for you. If they're supporting the decision to split up instead of encouraging you to try to get back with your ex, then you know you did the right thing.
6. Your Health Improves
One of my friends and her boyfriend at the time developed a habit of getting fast food together nearly every day. After they ended things, she went back to the healthier habits she had before the relationship. For her, this shift was an indicator that their breakup was for the best.
"When you break up with them, your good old habits return because the partner who was the catalyst for this bad health behavior is no longer part of your life," Masini says. "When your health is better without a partner, than it is with that partner, the breakup from that partner is for the best."
7. You're Focusing On Your Needs
You shouldn't have to give up things you love to be with someone, so if you're now realizing that you stopped doing certain things you enjoyed while dating your ex, not only can you start doing them again, but it's also a good thing things between you are over.
"If you were in an imbalanced relationship, you may realize after the breakup all of the things you stopped doing because you were all boo-ed up," Myisha Battle, a San Francisco based sex and dating coach, tells Bustle.
It's normal to question if ending a relationship was the right choice, but if calling it quits results in relief, you probably made the best call.