What It Means If You’re Always The One Making The Weekend Plans In Your Relationship, According To Experts
No matter how the relationship is divvied up in regards to chores, who handles what, and who's responsible for this or that, healthy relationships involve partnerships. So when it comes to making weekend plans, ideally, it should be a two people; not just one. However, that's not always the case. Sometimes it's just one person making all the plans, while the other just goes along for the ride.
"If you're [someone] who's always the one making the weekend plans, it might be a sign that you are the one [doing the chasing in the relationship]," board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Susan Edelman tells Bustle.
In other words, your partner might be taking you and the effort you're putting into the relationship for granted. "When you continue to make all the plans, you are letting [your partner] take you for granted," Dr. Edelman says. "You can always stop letting [them] take you for granted. Let [them] figure out what to do about it. That will tell you where you really stand with [your partner]."
So, in addition to being taken for granted, what does it mean when you're always the one making the weekend plans in your relationship? Here are seven possible meanings, according to experts.
1. Your Partner Might Be Struggling With Motivation
Although a lack of motivation could be that your partner just needs sometime to relax, if it persists, it could mean a greater issue.
"One of the signs of depression is a persistent level of low energy, which often shows up as a lack of desire to do things, together or otherwise," Irene Fehr, sex and intimacy coach, tells Bustle. "They might not initiate plans or show any interest them. They might prefer to follow, rather than lead or make decisions."
Have a talk with them about it. If it is depression, here's how you can help.
2. There's A Fear Of Not Being Appreciated
If your partner planned something before and you totally weren't on board with it, and expressed either your boredom or disdain for the plan, that definitely can have an impact on whether or not your partner may want to be part of the decision-making process for weekend plans.
"Sometimes a person won't initiate weekend plans when they are scared because the plans they've made in the past were not appreciated or the experiences were negative," Fehr says.
Because of this, they'd rather take a back seat by not initiating anything at all, so as to avoid creating disappointment again.
3. It Could Be Simply Laziness
"If you're the [partner] that makes things happen, then you've boxed yourself into a habitual role," author and relationship expert Susan Winter tells Bustle. "Do you want to be the one making plans? If you distrust the choice of plans your partner will make, then taking control ensures you'll have a good weekend."
In some cases, the reason you're always making weekend plans has nothing more to do with the fact that you're good at it and enjoy initiating plans. If you realize you're no longer comfortable with this, then it's time to speak up.
4. Your Partner's Proactive Days May Be Long Behind Them
"We pick our battles in relationships," Winter says. "Some issues aren't worth fighting for, and weekend plans may be one of them for your [partner]."
If you've dismissed your partner's weekend plan ideas too many times, like Pavlov's dog, whenever they hear the word "weekend plans," it's very likely they'll just sort of step out of the way and let you take over.
"The deeper cut on this can also mean that your partner's withdrawn from collaboration," Winter says. "Rather than mutually planning your weekend, your partner has given up. [They] may have felt shot down for their ideas in the past. If this situation is routine, your partner will automatically come to the conclusion that their input is unnecessary."
5. There May Be An Imbalance In Your Energy Levels
Although not everyone can constantly be a 10 in energy levels, if someone has high energy and they're with someone who has low energy, making weekend plans can create a discrepancy of what's fun.
"You might be the higher-energy or the extroverted or the more social person in the relationship who wants to make plans, while your partner prefers to hang out at home on the weekends," Fehr says. "It may not occur to an introverted person to make plans where there is an opportunity to chill at home, especially if they had to be social during the week. They might go along with plans to please their partner, but it may not be their preference to initiate."
If you're aware of the differences in your energy levels, that's definitely something to take into consideration. Especially when you're wondering why you're the only one making weekend plans. Extroverts and introverts can live happily ever after — they just need to be aware of their differences.
6. There Could Be A Disconnect In The Relationship
"If this pattern has gone on for a while — and there are other signs of disconnect in the relationship — it might mean that your partner has given up on the relationship to some degree," Fehr says. "Just as initiating joint activities assumes interest in spending time together and engaging, failing to do so can signal its loss."
Of course, relationships go through rough patches; that doesn't necessarily mean your partner wants to bail. But it is important to talk to them and see what's going on.
7. It Could Be A Lack Of Caring
"'Not caring' can be on a multitude of levels," Winter says. "Your partner may not care about weekend activities and be fully on board with your choice. Or, they're beginning to get bored and no longer care so much about the relationship."
Ultimately, not everyone is made to make weekend plans. Sure, it could mean the relationship is fizzling out or it could mean that your partner just doesn't care enough to make the effort — no matter how much you want them to make the effort — and that's a personality trait you can't erase.
"If you're always the one making plans in your relationship — weekend or otherwise — there can be a few things happening," Winter says, "ranging from trivial to serious."
But just don't jump to the worst-case scenario first. Some of us tend to make the weekend plans because we're social and good at planning. Sometimes, it's not more complex than that.