What You Should Avoid Doing During An Argument With Your Partner, According To Experts

Andrew Zaeh for Bustle

As counterintuitive as it might sound, it's actually perfectly healthy for couples to have arguments. Every couple will disagree from time to time, so it's not the act of fighting itself that shows how stable or toxic a couple is — it's how you argue that matters. If you want your relationship to last long-term, it's imperative to learn how to fight fairly with your partner. Knowing how to effectively communicate and resolve conflict in a healthy way is key: couples who have toxic communication habits will have a much harder time navigating their relationship's rough patches.

"Eliminate all name-calling, finger-pointing, blaming, and shaming," Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor & Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, tells Bustle. "A toxic relationship cannot thrive. Angry outbursts chip away at the love and trust that a couple has for each other. Instead, take ownership for your feelings and frustration by focusing on why your [partner's] actions disturb you."

When you're in the habit of arguing a certain way — maybe you tend to raise your voice or getting defensive — it can be really hard to change your behavior. But in order for a relationship to last, you have to be able to communicate your issues and feelings in a healthy way. If you want to improve how you argue with your partner, here are seven things to avoid doing during a fight.