Every season of The Bachelorette rolls through a certain pattern — sporty dates, stolen kisses, whiny male contestants, date interruptions, toxic masculinity, and, of course, the dreaded two-on-one date. Two men walk in, and normally, one comes out. You don't get picked, and ABC leaves you on a beach or a mountain. It's like the Thunderdome, except there's champagne or a hot tub as a followup. On Becca's season of The Bachelorette, she had a choice for her two-on-one — Jordan or David? Why did Becca send Jordan home on The Bachelorette?
Jordan, the villain of the season (it's been a very short season, but still), is a male model who says things like, "My greatest power is being myself." Yes, just by reading that, you know exactly who this man is. He flexes a lot, and he is really mad when you don't wear socks with a suit — the men on the limo arrivals night learned that one the hard way. And still, Jordan has made it this far, probably because he is a big fat producer-approved drama machine. He also hates David, who showed up in a chicken suit on the first night, apropos of nothing. (This show makes me so tired.) Oh, he also hates David because David fell out of a bunk bed, landing on his face and ending up in the intensive care unit.
It makes sense, then, that David and Jordan would come head to head in the ultimate Bachelorette battle. Of course, David tattled on Jordan, telling Becca that Jordan said he would be "settling" if he ended up with Becca. If there's one way to insult a woman, it's to imply that you're doing her a favor while being with her. Also, David said something about Becca being a "safe choice," which is exactly what was said about her on Arie's season of The Bachelor. I don't usually use the word "triggering" earnestly, but those words were like the Bat signal for Becca to lose it.
Jordan lost it, too, screaming about how David didn't know what he was talking about. Jordan also opened up a little, explained that his parents have been together for over 27 years despite his mother's mental illnesses and various financial troubles. Jordan comes from some stuff, and he knows unconditional love. It was nice to hear Jordan say something other than that he's a model. He's not a sociopath. He has just been through a lot.
And maybe because of that, Becca opted to take Jordan home after the two-on-one date. But Jordan's safe status didn't last for long. During dinner, Jordan did nothing but talk about how he models, which, again, Jordan is Joey Donner from 10 Things I Hate About You. Jordan asked Becca one question and then manipulated the conversation to talk about everything he likes to do. Don't you know that half of being on a date is just shutting the hell up and listening? Then, he just leapt across the table and gave Becca a big kiss. She was so surprised that, if she was chewing gum, she would have swallowed it.
The date ended with Becca sending Jordan's butt home. "As amazing as I think you are, there's something missing here," she told him. Jordan was as blindsided as only a man with an extreme amount of disillusionment and hubris can be. In the end, Jordan was just happy that Becca said that she never met anyone like him, because he prides himself on being unique. What? It's fine, Jordan. Don't worry about your broken heart — I'm sure we'll see you in a few weeks on Bachelor In Paradise.