The Viral “3-3-3 Rule” Will Help You Avoid Another Situationship

Situationships always seem to sneak up out of nowhere. One day, you’re on a first date with someone you think is cute. Next thing you know, six months have gone by, and you’re still not sure where the relationship is going.

The TikTok-viral “3-3-3 rule” for dating is set up to prevent this very thing from happening. The idea is to re-evaluate your connection after three dates, three weeks, and three months to see if it’s actually working for you or realize if it’s totally wasting your time.

On the app, creator @kaylena____ said the 3-3-3 rule is perfect for anyone who moves too fast, ignores red flags, or constantly finds themselves in situationships. According to Kaylena, the first three dates are just supposed to be a “vibe check” to see if you get along or if you get the ick.

If all goes well and you keep going out, you should check in again at the three-week mark. Do you like how you feel around them? If so, keep going. After three months of dating, you can ask yourself again if you want to be in a relationship. If not? That’s your cue to leave. Here, a therapist weighs in on the 3-3-3 rule and offers some tips for tweaking it in your favor.

What Is The 3-3-3 Rule?

According to Leah Aguirre, LCSW, a San Diego-based therapist and author of Is This Really Love?, the 3-3-3 rule is all about giving yourself milestones that help you reassess your relationship — something that’s crucial if you keep ending up with people who aren’t a good match.

Three Dates

Let’s say you go out to dinner and aren’t too sure if there’s a spark, but you go on a coffee date a few days later, have a deeper chat, and suddenly realize there might be something there. This is why it’s a good idea to start with three dates.

“It can be hard to really feel attracted right away,” Aguirre says. “There are nerves [on a first date], and sometimes people don’t look quite like their photos if you’ve met through an app, which can throw you off.”

By committing to three dates, you open yourself up to the potential for a more meaningful connection, versus something that’s more surface-level. Who knows? The person who didn’t seem like your type might have you laughing, blushing, and texting your friends that you’ve found The One.

To avoid love bombing, Aquirre recommends spacing out your dates and aiming for one or two a week. “I know it’s hard to slow down when you’re excited about someone, but maintaining balance is key,” she says. “Keep your hobbies, friendships, and other priorities intact while you’re dating.” That way, you won’t lose yourself in someone’s attention.

Three Weeks

By the time you hit the three-week mark, you’ve been going out, texting, and talking for a while. That time together provides information you can use to genuinely assess your connection, versus getting swept up too quickly.

Aguirre recommends asking harder questions during this period to get a sense of who your potential partner is at their core. Do they text back fast? Do they help plan dates? Keep your eyes peeled for red flags, like poor communication, anger, or mixed messages, and move on if you don’t like what you see.

According to Aguirre, some people attempt to be on their “best behavior” during the first three weeks to win you over, so you might not see the real them. It often isn’t until you’ve faced a disagreement or moment of tension that you’ll see who they really are — take note of how you handle these ups and downs as a duo.

Three Months

Once you’ve been dating for three months, Aguirre says it’s officially time for a relationship temperature check. If you’re seeing someone regularly, and there’s attraction and emotional vulnerability, she says it could be a good time to make things official. (This is where you weed out the situationships.)

By the three-month mark, you may have navigated a disagreement, met each other’s friends, gone on a weekend getaway, and folded each other into your lives. All of these moments allow you to further evaluate your connection. If someone is just a situationship, they won’t be interested in taking the next steps towards commitment.

“I always tell my clients that trust is like a piggy bank — it fills up over time,” Aguirre says.

Does The Rule Really Work?

According to Aguirre, the 3-3-3 rule encourages intentional dating, which is extra important these days, especially if you’re constantly on the apps. “People get overwhelmed and jaded, so staying mindful about what you want in a relationship helps you date with purpose, “she says.

That said, the timeline doesn’t have to be so structured. “I really dislike the ‘how-to’ dating books for that reason,” Aguirre says. “At the end of the day, you have to go with what feels right.”

Source:

Leah Aguirre, LCSW, San Diego-based therapist, author of Is This Really Love?