Are You The One?
The Viral "Rock & Star" Dating Theory Makes So Much Sense
Consider it your relationship rubric.
Imagine you have the floor at a party. You’re telling the best story, everyone’s hooked, but right at the climax your partner jumps in with a joke and steps on your punchline. If it happens once, it’s just a funny moment. But if it happens all the time? You might start to get annoyed.
This is why two “stars” shouldn’t be in a relationship, at least according to TikTok’s viral “rock and star” dating theory. On the app, creator Madi Kolodgie posted about the concept, which was coined by her friend. It’s the idea that the best connections are made when a couple consists of a rock and a star.
“A rock is somebody stable, dependable, predictable, and even-keeled,” Kolodgie tells Bustle. “A star is somebody excitable, who has their head in the clouds, a big personality, and is spontaneous. Having a rock and a star together provides the ultimate balance in a relationship.”
The star gets to shine, take the lead, and soak up all the attention they crave, while the rock happily supports them in the background. If you’re a star, then you might be on the lookout for someone who lets you sparkle — and who always has your back.
If you’re a laidback rock, the theory suggests you might be happiest with an extroverted partner. They’d pull you out of your shell, insist you leave the house on the weekends, and make life so much more fun. As the rock, you’d also bring a much-needed sense of calm to your relationship. Here’s why this dynamic is so important.
Rocks Vs. Stars
According to this theory, a rock and a star are the best combo for a happy relationship — not two stars who are constantly trying to one-up each other.
“If there are two stars, then nobody gets to truly shine because they are both shining all the time,” Kolodgie says. “A star commands more attention and needs more attention from their partner, but when both need the same type and level of attention, it won't work. Two stars combust because neither is getting what they need.”
When you stop and think about it, this match-up may be something you’ve already experienced in your own dating life. “Two free-spirited, high-energy people can have very high highs and also low lows,” Jaydi Samuels Kuba, a dating coach and author, tells Bustle. “It's a life filled with adventure and excitement, often, but the resulting combo can be volatile or toxic.”
Never shrink yourself just to make something work.
While you can technically learn to manage a two-star relationship — and some people might even enjoy the chaos of being with another bright light — this theory encourages you to take a deeper look at the dynamics of your current connection or what you’re looking for on the apps. If you want to feel like the main character in your relationship, a partner who’s a rock is almost always the way to go.
This theory is also a reminder to never shrink yourself just to make something work. As a star, Kolodgie says she’s often felt like she was too much for her partners in the past, and it dimmed her light as a result. A rock would never let you feel like that.
As a star, it can also feel good to be with someone who helps make your wildest dreams a reality. Since they’re organized and dependable, a rock would be the sort of companion to make things happen, like a last-minute weekend getaway. In return, rocks love to be seen by the star. For them, it feels good to know they’re appreciated.
While a rock might be drawn to a fellow homebody who’s slightly risk averse, teaming up with a star could be the best choice they ever make. “Like any good push and pull combination, one exists to help balance the other, helping to avoid the possibility of resentment, disconnection, or stagnation,” Kuba says. “Each can help the other grow.”
Are You A Rock Or A Star?
To test the theory IRL, figure out if you’re a rock or a star, and then look for your opposite while dating. As a star, Kolodgie would want to find someone with calm, reliable energy, good communication skills, and a solid plan for the date night — all signs of a dependable rock.
If you’re the rock at heart, keep your eyes peeled for a partner who’s fun and outgoing, and who appreciates your long list of amazing qualities. If your date is spontaneous, playful, and bright, they might be the one for you.
Source:
Jaydi Samuels Kuba, dating coach, author of Your Last First Date: Secrets from a Hollywood Matchmaker
