Despite what the 1995 Christina Ricci classic (and the 1998 Hilary Duff sequel) may have led you to believe, there's no such thing as a friendly ghost. If you haven't heard from your crush in weeks, these
texts to send someone who ghosted you will bring you the clarity and closure you crave.
Like cute shoes that cause blisters, cute people that cause heartache are unfortunately all too common. According to a 2020 survey by Hinge,
91% of users say they've been ghosted, and that's, like, a full A- on an exam.
Susan Winter, relationship expert and bestselling author, reaching out to a ghoster is all about balance. "We don't want to look desperate, but we need resolution," Winter tells Bustle. "Are they in or are they out?"
If your date has gone radio silent, Winter suggests making one last effort to reach out. "If you don't get a reply, or get a vague 'breadcrumb type' answer, then bail," Winter says.
Whether you're looking for a Serious Committed Relationship or just a fling, you deserve someone with the ability to communicate their basic feelings. Though
breaking it off with someone can be uncomfortable, it's always more considerate than leaving someone in the lurch.
If you're tired of
being left on read, here are eight texts to send.
Hmm seems like your phone's been dead for three weeks. I have an extra charger if you need to borrow it.
If you're just looking for something casual, you may genuinely be OK with your date being a flaky flower who can't return a text. Sending a playful text is a fun way to address that they've gone silent without placing any blame.
I take it you're not a great texter. Want to meet for drinks and an IRL convo?
Again, if you're not looking for something serious (or for someone that regularly responds to your texts), gently teasing their texting skills can let your date know that you're still down to hang out. Of course, the key here is that you're
actually looking for something casual. If you're secretly hoping that your sporadic hookup will suddenly want a committed partnership, it's probably time for a different conversation about your expectations.
I had fun getting dinner last week! Let me know if you want to go to the farmer's market this weekend.
When your crush is playing hot and cold, it's easy to get swept up in their games. Instead of scheming something up or trying to decode their last five texts, be direct and don't overthink it. Let them know you're interested and down to hang out again. If they're interested, they'll make a solid plan with you. If they're still shady, it's time to move on.
Me and my roomies are getting a self-distance drink tonight at The Barn. Come through if you can!
Inviting your crush to something fun that you're already planning on doing lets you have your cake and eat it too. If they decide to come by, you'll have a fun time out with your friends. If they choose to stay home, you'll still have a fun time out with your friends. It's a casual way to include your crush, with incredibly low stakes. "Do it from the 'I'm doing this, join me,' approach," Winter says. "Coffee, drinks, or anything else that you did in the past that they seemed to like."
It's been a minute — want to check that you're OK!
"Sorry, my phone broke" is the adult version of "the dog ate my homework." Still, emergencies/general unexpected life things happen, and there could be an actual reason your crush has gone quiet. This gives them a chance to take accountability for going silent. It also gives you a chance to see if they're worth any more of your time. If they come back with more excuses and shadiness, you know you're better off without them.
I've been enjoying getting to know you, but I lose interest when contact lags. I'm not into something so on and off.
"You can give your new date your terms of engagement," Winter says. "Tell them that regular contact lets you know there's interest. Otherwise, you assume there's no connection." As Winter shares, letting your date know that you expect a timely response shows them the type of relationship you're looking for. You get to state your needs
and have your needs met, and if someone can't do that? They're not the one for you.
I totally get it if you're not feeling a connection, but I'd appreciate you being direct about it. I can't read your mind and I'm not going to try.
I'm hurt and confused by you going silent on me. Clearly, we're not looking for the same thing. Best of luck to you.
Though you may want to send "WTF?!" or blow up their phone with insults, Winter suggests keeping your cool. If someone can't even reply to your text, they're not worth your energy. "It's your ego that wants to lash out," Winter says. "Accept the facts for what they are and be grateful you're not being strung along or played."