If you’ve been lying awake at night wondering what the heck happened — why they bailed, if you did something wrong, if they’re OK, etc. — use this opportunity to gather more information about why they ghosted. “Listen to your intuition on the explanation,” says licensed professional counselor Rebecca Phillips, MS, LPC. “If it sounds legit, proceed with caution and boundaries.”

“If you’re interested in talking again, it’s essential to start with boundaries out the gate,” Phillips explains.

Tell this person what you’re looking for in a relationship and what kind of time and energy commitment you’ll be expecting from them.

As with anything, there are no guarantees they won’t ghost again or that it’ll work out the way you want. But it’s important to say exactly how you feel and see how they respond.

If you’re worried about sounding too chill, start by pointing out the elephant in the room, suggests life coach Stephanie Michelle. This text offers a clear-cut way to call attention to all the time that’s passed. And again, it’ll help you gather more info.

The point with this text isn’t to make the ghoster beg or gravel, but to have them acknowledge all the ways their actions had an effect on you emotionally. If you’re happy with their reply, cool. If not, put your phone down and forget about them.

If you’re intrigued by this mystery text, then see if they’d be down for a quick Zoom or FaceTime call. Michelle says this is a good way to get your questions answered in real time. It’ll also be much easier to assess their vibes if you can see their face and hear their voice.

Here’s a cheeky way to respond if you’re kind of down to forgive them and see where things might lead. Ghosting is almost always rude, but it doesn’t always have to signal the end of a relationship. By keeping your response light and fun, it’ll be easier to pick things up where you left off.

If you want to shut them down, this is a funny way to do it, Phillips says.

It shows there are no hard feelings, just that you also aren’t interested.

According to licensed marriage and family therapist Gita Seshadri, PhD, LMFT, this response is meant to sting, so make sure you only send it to people who truly deserve it.

It’s a salty one, for sure. But Phillips adds that it gets the point across and shows the ghoster how it feels to be forgotten.

While the message isn’t guaranteed to sink in on their end, it might feel good to send after a particularly painful situation.

Phillips also recommends throwing out a quick “How do I know you?” Texts like this one aren’t meant as an attack, but as a way to create distance between you and a person who doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

Of course, it’s often best to be calm, honest, and straightforward. “A simple ‘no, thanks’ should do the trick,” Phillips says.

Send this text to end the conversation, especially if you know the person can’t or won’t change, says dating and relationship therapist Anita Chlipala, LMFT. It’ll make it clear that the on-again-off-again thing doesn’t work for you.

Slightly reword the previous text and you’ll have another way to create healthier expectations before proceeding. Tell them they’ll need to communicate — oh, and not ghost — if they want to be in your life.

If you were genuinely worried about them, it’s OK to say so. Sometimes people have a good reason for ghosting, says relationship expert Alexis Dent, such as a health concern or a job loss. “This is a neutral, open-minded text that doesn't make any big waves,” Dent tells Bustle. “And shows that you can be understanding without jumping to conclusions.”

“Some people are flaky and want to be present only when it's convenient or when they're bored,” Dent explains. If you suspect that’s the type of ex-partner you’re dealing with, it’s more important than ever to have strong boundaries. “Don’t allow yourself to become manipulated and/or emotionally attached to someone who couldn't care less about being a reliable communicator,” she says.

This is a cute text to send when you want to playfully call them out for ghosting, Seshadri says. It’ll also clear the air just enough so they’ll feel comfortable explaining why they disappeared — if you’re up to hear it.

This is another light-hearted text that Chlipala recommends sending if you want to acknowledge their crappy behavior. If they have a good sense of humor — which they should, since they’re reaching out — they’ll respond with a photo of their cable.

Here’s another fun way to open the door, says relationship coach Margot Zaher — but just the tiniest bit. This text isn’t super forgiving, which shows how you feel about the ghosting. But it is welcoming enough that it might lead to a longer convo about where they’ve been.

Sometimes people go through their contacts and text everyone they’ve ever spoken to, Chlipala says, usually because they want some sort of an ego boost. If you think that’s what’s going on here, either don’t respond or keep your text casual and detached, so they can’t reel you back in.

Your first reaction upon seeing their text might be to delete their number. But if your fingers start typing before you can stop yourself, go this route.

It doesn’t matter if you’re looking for something casual or more committed, “you deserve someone who is at least going to put in the basic effort of texting back,” Dent says. If it feels like enough is enough, let them know you aren’t interested in continuing with a toxic pattern.

Don’t hesitate to be brutally honest and do what “feels emotionally healthy for you when it comes to the response,” Susan Trombetti, a matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells Bustle. Ghosting really is a red flag, so call them out.

Not only will this text help protect you and your boundaries, Trombetti says it might even help the ghoster realize that their actions are not OK. While it isn’t your job to fix them, it might spare someone else from going through the same experience in the future

If you’re officially done, send a straightforward text like this one. “It’s kind, yet clear,” Dr. Joy Heafner, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. “Informing someone of what your boundary is frees you up from becoming entangled emotionally any further.” It also frees you up to continue going about your day, stress-free.

According to licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Cornelia Gibson, LMFT, Ed.D., this is another assertive, effective way to tell them to leave you alone. It will come in handy if you hear from someone who really hurt you.

Gibson suggests saying something like, “Wow, you’ve resurfaced. I’ll give you one more chance because everyone makes mistakes, but this time with boundaries. What do you plan to do differently?” Asking them to spell it out will show their intent in reaching out. See if they’re willing to explain, then decide what you’d like to do.

“Of course you know the answer, but it’s too tempting not to get them to actually spell out that yes, they are texting you and want to reconnect,” K.S. Lewis, a certified relationship coach, tells Bustle. “This is an open opportunity for them to go into more explanation and even offer an apology.”

If you want something light that still calls them out for ghosting you, go with a message like this one.

If you want to hit them with a bit of sarcasm, but also want to see what they have to say for themselves, a text like this can get the job done. Bonus points if you use the black hole emoji.

If you’re contemplating talking to them again and want to keep your response on the casual side, try a text like this one. It acknowledges their absence in a nonchalant manner and shows you’re open to talking again — or at least hearing them out.

If you’re open to reconnecting, here’s another example of a text that keeps things light but still gently calls them out for going MIA on you.

Here’s another light-hearted text that calls attention to them popping back up and shows you’re willing to have a conversation with them. If you want to acknowledge their disappearance even further, add a ghost emoji.

If you’re considering talking to them again but need an explanation first (or maybe you just want to hear their reasoning and have zero intention of picking things back up), try a text that keeps things light but direct.

Here’s a text that keeps things light and friendly but shows you’re not letting them off the hook just yet.

If you intend on reconnecting or hearing them out but want to mess with them a bit beforehand, try hitting them with a different name — even a letter or two off — to show you’re totally unbothered.

If you’re feeling sarcastic but want to get some sort of a response from them, make it known that their ghosting did not go unnoticed. Bonus points if you add the person bowing emoji.

If you want to be a little sassy and invite them to explain themselves, try a text like this one.

If you’re not sure how you want to proceed just yet, have a little fun with your response and see what they have to say for themselves.

Here’s another text that calls out their behavior and keeps you entertained in the process. Bonus points if you send the music video.

If you’re just interested in calling them out and don’t really care about getting a response from them, try a message that points out how long it’s been.

When in doubt, simply send the ghost emoji. “They’ll know what they did,” says matchmaker and dating coach Claire AH. Send it, then go about your day with the knowledge that you aren’t letting a ghoster back into your life.

Remember, you do not have to respond. I repeat, you do not have to respond to someone who ghosted you. Nine times out of ten, “a ghoster doesn’t deserve your time and energy,” Miller says. They’ve already shown who they are by completely ignoring you and/or being inconsistent, so don’t hesitate to protect your well-being.

While there may be some instances where it’s possible (and even fun) to reconnect with a long-lost flame, it’s often best to leave the past in the past and hold out for a more positive experience with someone new.