Sex & Relationships

20 Witty Responses To Ghosting That’ll Haunt Them Forever

"I ask for your birth chart one time."

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Dec. 15, 2020

It takes a specific kind of person to ghost someone in the middle of a global pandemic — but rest assured, they exist. When a date's playing it hot and cold or you haven't heard from your crush in weeks, these witty responses to ghosting will help you clear the air and your mind.

While quarantine may not stop people from ghosting, time inside has given daters a chance to stop getting caught in texting games and shoddy communication. According to a 2020 Hinge survey, more than half of Hinge users said they’ve stopped chasing after people who aren’t interested in them since March. In other words, when they get the sense that their date is about to ghost, they lose their number and cue up, "thank u, next."

For Susan Winter, relationship expert and bestselling author, gracefully leaving a ghoster is the quickest and easiest way out. "It's your ego that wants to lash out," Winter tells Bustle. "Accept the facts for what they are, and be grateful you're not being strung along or played."

The lack of social gatherings doesn't have to mean a lack of social graces. Here are 20 funny (but fierce) ways to respond to a ghoster.

Can we at least reenact the Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore pottery scene first?

It's best part of the whole movie.

I ask for your birth chart one time, and suddenly, I'm a mind-reading witch that knows what you're thinking.

What's your sign? More like give me a sign that you're still alive.

Hey, at least now, the next time my niece asks me to tell her a ghost story, I can tell her about you.

The scariest stories are true.

I hope this finds you well. I just wanted to circle back, per our last message exchange.

If corporate email language won't do it, nothing will.

Hey! It seems you're at capacity in your personal life right now and can't hold the appropriate space for me or our relationship. I want to validate where you are while also drawing a healthy boundary. Please don't reach out again. Thanks!

Or try speaking like a yoga teacher.

I see you’re taking dating advice from Barney Stinson's Playbook. I’d like to remind you that Robin left him and the show got canceled in 2013 — and hasn’t aged well.

More like, How I Met That Jerk I Quickly Forgot About.

Aw, I love Simon & Garfunkel! (I'm taking you ghosting me as "The Sound of Silence.")

Hello darkness, my old friend.

You must have misheard me when we talked about magazines. I read Vogue, not vague.

This just in: Bad communication skills are not trending this season!

It seems like you're phone's been dead for two and a half weeks. Let me know if you need to borrow my charger.

I will need it back.

Maybe I gave you the impression that I'm OK with not talking for weeks. I'm so sorry for the confusion, but I'm not at all OK with that, and I don't see this working out.

I'm so sorry I expected you to acknowledge my existence after hanging out?

Should I wait to hear your excuse for why you've been MIA or should I just delete your number?

Why not both?

Gosh! You're bombarding me with all these texts! I'm not used to getting so much attention!

It's, like, reverse psychlogy.

Same.

Real may recognize real, but real also recognizes thoughtless losers that don't deserve your time.

I guess we're playing "Who Can Go Longer Without Texting First." You've won!

But you've lost me.

A reminder that Vincent Chase from Entourage is not a real person and does not exist. But I do! And your behavior kind of sucks.

Don Draper? Chuck Bass? Shane from The L Word? IDK, pick your favorite fictional player.

Are you still there?

If this doesn't get a response, it's sure to get a laugh.

Can't wait to write the next Ghostbusters movie about you.

If Melissa McCarthy is in it, I'm in.

I see you're "playing it cool." It's too bad I'm not 15 anymore, and I don't think emotional unavailability is cool.

When they play it cool, play it ice cold.

You've won one last chance to meet up for a drink! Reply with your availability this week to claim your prize.

Listen, maybe your crush really did lose their phone. Maybe their roommate was sick. Maybe they had a giant project at work and lost contact with all their friends and loved ones. If you're really feeling them, you can give them one last chance to make up for their communication lag.

You really talk the talk but don't text the text, huh?

And if they don't reply to this, you can walk the walk away.

Sources:

Susan Winter, relationship expert, and bestselling author