Crimson Peak, Guillermo del Toro's most recent masterpiece, is finally in theaters, and it's leaving a line of haunted audiences and thrilled Hiddlestoners in its wake. Unless you've been on some kind of television fast (and why the hell would you do that?), you've seen the ads for Crimson Peak . The trailers for the film promise scary ghosts, elaborate sets, and a Tom Hiddleston sex scene, but if you're still left wondering what the Crimson Peak plot is actually about, we've got you covered.
Billed as a "Gothic romance," Crimson Peak stars Mia Wasikowska as Edith Cushing, a young American woman who is swept off her feet by Thomas Sharpe (Hiddleston), a visiting aristocrat. From the moment Thomas sets his eyes on Edith, he pursues her with everything he has, and, eventually, marries her and takes her away to his home on Crimson Peak — a red clay mountain upon which his family operated old clay mines that have since run dry. Away from everything she knows, Edith, who has seen ghosts since childhood, begins to witness the ghouls creeping along the old Sharpe house, and quickly realizes that they aren't trying to scare her, but warn her. You know what? Instead of telling you the plot of Crimson Peak, I think I'm going to show you. (Spoilers ahead.) Presenting: Crimson Peak as told by GIFs.
First, lets meet our main player: Edith Cushing. Edith is an aspiring author of ghost stories, struggling to fight the patriarchy and get her work published. She lives with her beloved father in New York and avoids all social functions, which includes rebuffing not-so-subtle advances from nice guy Dr. Alan McMichael (Charlie Hunnam).
Poor Alan finds himself placed squarely in the Friendzone with the arrival of Thomas Sharpe and his sister Lucille (Jessica Chastain). Despite Edith's resolve to be single, one dance with Thomas and she's head over heels.
As Edith grows closer to Thomas, her father grows more suspicious, and hires a private investigator to look into the Sharpes. Whatever he finds, he does not like, and Edith's father attempts to pay the Sharpes to leave his daughter alone. But before he can tell Edith whatever damning information he has on Thomas, he mysteriously dies, leaving Edith free to marry Thomas without interference.
Once settled in the Sharpe mansion, Edith begins being visited by ghosts at night — women desperate to get to her.
At first, Edith is scared.
Edith convinces Thomas to spend a night away from the haunted house, and the two finally consummate their marriage. Insert Tom Hiddleston nudity here.
Edith soon realizes that the ghosts aren't trying to hurt her, but help her. The ghosts, all women, lead her to the lower level clay mines, where she finds proof that — gasp — Thomas has been married before. SMH, player...
Edith finds old recordings made by one of these wives who figured out that the Sharpes were slowly poisoning her to death! And now, Edith is next. Not only are Lucille and Thomas trying to kill her, they are also carrying on a secret affair!
Lucille soon realizes that Edith is onto them, and goes after her, despite Thomas second guessing their evil plans. So, of course, she does what any murderous woman in love with her brother would do — she pushes Edith off the stairs.
Lucky for Edith, Dr. Alan was not too happy with his place in the friendzone, and looks into the Sharpes himself. Alan soon finds out the same information Edith's father did: that Thomas and Lucille killed their mother when they were tweens, and that Thomas was already married. Alan arrives just in time to save Edith, but almost fails to save himself when Lucille stabs him!
In love with Edith, Thomas turns on his sister and does his best to help save Alan and Edith. After a lengthy and terrifying battle with an axe-wielding Lucille, Alan and Edith escape — bloody but alive.
And there you have it! Crimson Peak in GIFs. But, don't be fooled, this is no substitute for the real thing. To experience the extraordinary sets and scares for yourself, go see Crimson Peak in theaters.
Images: Universal Pictures; Giphy (11)
