As we become more and more aware of the relationship between women and porn, and just the sheer number of women who watch porn, it might be time to take a look how porn affects our sex life. And, I know this may be someone controversial: I think there are a lot of ways that porn benefits your sex life, too. I genuinely do.
OK obviously porn sets up a lot of unrealistic expectations for sex. I'm aware of that. Women orgasming on cue (and men as well!). And the noises— dear God, the noises! I'm loud in bed but whatever they're doing is just... it's a lot. So I'm not saying that a lot of porn has any bearing on real sex.
For example, when the pizza delivery man comes to my house, I end up putting my mouth on his penis 0 percent of the time and my mouth on the pizza 100 percent of the time. It's just not real life, but that doesn't mean we can't learn anything from the sex in porn. In fact, Marie Claire's survey on women and porn found that learning about sex and sexuality was one of the biggest positives of watch porn for women.
So what can we learn? Here are seven things porn can teach us about real life sex:
1. Talking Is Good
One thing I like about porn is the talking. I find the extra sensory stimulation a huge turn on. But even if dirty talk isn't for you, a reminder that communication in sex is important.
2. Mix Up The Positions
Most of us don't want 20 minutes of missionary. You don't need to go all out cirque de soliel, but most hetero porn includes some male and some female dominated positions, and a big range for lesbians. Whichever ones you fancy, it's nice to give a few a go each round, especially if you have trouble orgasming. Keep trying until you find what's right for you.
3. The Female Orgasm Is Important (And Obtainable)
Yes, they may be over-the-top. Yes, they seem to happen on command. But there is a big emphasis on female orgasm and I think that's a good thing. The women always have a orgasm, and it most videos that's sort of the whole point right on until the end. It's bad that it makes it look so easy, which isn't true for some women, but at least it's not painted as an unobtainable goal some men like to pretend it is.
4. Play With Power Dynamics
Just like the positions, there are a wide variety of power dynamics in porn. Sometimes it'll vary from just woman on top to man on top, but normally it's more playful then that. There are videos that focus on dominant women and submissive men, vice versa, and everywhere in between. It's fun to add a bit of it into your real life— and that doesn't have to mean handcuffs and whips, it can just be an attitude.
5. Vaginas Are Worship-Worthy
Men and women in porn are obsessed with vagina. Obsessed. When I first started having sex I was so uncomfortable with people going down on me because I had this idea that it was a chore and that people don't really like vaginas. WRONG. They are amazing and the person you're with are lucky to be playing with it, just like porn shows.
6. Group Sex Doesn't Have To Be Scary
It may not be your thing, and that's totally fine. But it can work and, in my experience, be a lot of fun. Porn shows a lot of ways you can have fun with other people (and yourself) during group sex, so it's a bit less intimidating once you get there.
7. There's Something Out There For Everyone
Probably the most important bit. Yeah, there's a lot of porn out there that seems super weird— to you. But someone likes it. Probably lots of people. That's why there's porn about it. There are so many different types and genres that it's a good reminder that (as long as it's healthy and consensual), whatever gets you off is fine because we all have different things that make us tick. And there's probably someone (or many, many people) that share yours.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our video on sex positions for small penises:
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