I can't imagine that I have to tell you this, unless you're so deep in the new Adele album right now that you haven't come up for air in a while, but Mockingjay, Part 2 has been released, and it's that depressing time in every film franchise fan's life. You know, that moment when the last movie is out, and there's no way that Hollywood can make another. (Then again, never say never.) How best to ease ourselves into the delicate transition of this being our last Hunger Games movie ever? EVER? With so much on the line, you want to make sure you take the perfect person with you to go see the finale film of the franchise in theaters. In fact, there are just some people you should never see The Hunger Games with.
When heading out to the movies, especially this movie, you want to go with the kind of person who can sit quietly and enjoy the movie, but also doesn't mind taking a trip to Feelstown with you when the moment warrants. It's a specific set of requirements, but it turns out to be less about whom you should take with you than it is about whom you shouldn't. Normally I'd say go with whomever, but this is serious business, so no messing around. You don't want to find out halfway through the movie that you made the wrong choice, so here are 11 people who absolutely should not be considered, no matter what. And ,if all else fails — I volunteer as tribute! (Take me.)
1. A First Date
"Listen, I like you and all, but this movie is about to require my full attention, so I'll see you in 2 hours and 17 minutes. And if I feel even the teensiest hand graze, things are over between us before they've started. Oh, are you leaving already?"
2. Your Mom Who Has This Confused With Harry Potter
"Wow, Hermione looks very different and is doing hardly any magic."
3. Jennifer Lawrence
All she's gonna do is warn you about how bad she is in every scene coming up, and it's, like, I love that self-deprecating instinct, Jennifer Lawrence, but SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO ENJOY YOUR STELLAR WORK SO ZIP IT.
4. A Theater Full Of Teenagers
Good luck avoiding this one, but it's worth a shot.
5. A Tiny Bladder Monster
Why is it that tiny little walnut bladders and a propensity for 44 ounce Diet Cokes so often overlap? Prove your dedication to this movie by getting a catheter, or find someone else to go with; if you ask me to move my knees so you can scoot past to the bathroom while Finnick Odair's life is on the line, I swear to god I will end you.
6. A Scoffer
You know the type. You can see them out of the corner of your eye, shaking their head at the more imaginative parts of the movie, sighing, "That could never happen." Oh, cool, because you've totally lived in Panem before. GET OUT.
7. A Snack Waffler
"You're right, I really wanted to spend the beginning of the movie out here in the lobby with you, deciding between Sour Patch Kids and Sno-Caps." (Sour Patch Kids, duh.)
8. Your Nemesis
Honestly, you need to stop hanging out with her in general; se ruins everything.
9. Someone Who's Behind The Times
"Wait, wasn't Philip Seymour Hoffman supposed to be in this one? Whatever happened with that?" Cue all of the tears.
10. Your Baby
Thinks it's okay to scream during the kissing scenes, get out of here, you can't even chew food, what are you doing.
11. Honestly Anyone But Your Best Friend In The World With Whom You've Seen Every Other Film In The Franchise
Turns out everybody is the worst except the two of you, so don't overthink it.
This is an important moment in all of our lives, so there's no such thing as taking this too seriously. Take your time, choose wisely, and you can live a life without regret.
Images: Lionsgate; Giphy (11)