Oh Pretty Little Liars, you wonderfully dramatic, bizarre little beast. How I love you. I've truly lost count of the amount of episodes I've watched where I've imagined how a certain PLL plot line would happen in real life. The answer to that question, quite simply, is that it definitely wouldn't happen the way that PLL tells it. In PLL, anything goes. A kiss is never just a kiss, just as a girl in a hoodie is never just someone trying to keep their hair dry from the rain. Murder most foul is the standard course of the day and it really doesn't matter how much danger you're ever in, it's definitely not ever cool to go to the Police about it.
But of course, PLL wouldn't be even half as enjoyable if it had even one of it's feet anywhere near real life as we know it. If the Liars had any of the sort of real life neurosis that come with being embroiled with murder plots, having a mysterious entity with a single letter name repeatedly blackmail you for fun or discover that their best friend is dead (and actually, not really dead) then it would probably be unwatchable.
And of course, there are some very essential, basic differences between how things happen in both real life and PLL life.
1. You Keep Seeing A Blonde Girl In A Red Coat Everywhere You Go
In PLL: It must be A! Or our dead best friend! Or a combination of the two? We must obsess over this and follow her everywhere we possibly can until we uncover the truth.
IRL: Okay, so is that girl selling something or handing out flyers on the street corner all day or something? Or is this whole look just a thing now? Either way, not into it. Moving on with my life.
2. Elaborate Threats Keep turning Up On Walls, Buildings And Even In Teeth
In PLL: Let's take these seriously for a little while, but not enough to actually do anything about them.
IRL: If a wall is telling me to shut up about something then you'd best believe that I'm going to shut up about it. Either that or just call the cops. And the best cleaner I can find.
3. The New Hot Guy At School Uses Your Shower And You Just So Happen To Accidentally Walk In On Him
In PLL: He is totally hot for you. This little "accident" will lead to a kiss which will then lead to a timely romance.
IRL: Instant restraining order.
4. The Best Friend You Thought Was Dead Has Actually Been Alive And Well This Entire Time
In PLL: A little death never comes between the Liars. Welcome back Ali! All is forgiven. Best friends forever.
IRL: First, you freak out. Then you realise that you actually borrowed a bunch of their stuff which they're probably going to want back now that they're and alive and stuff. Then you freak out some more.
5. You Need A Sharp Looking Couples Costume For A High End Fancy Dress Party
In PLL: Every detail of the costume is perfect, right down to the hair and make-up. You both look killer.
IRL: You might have turned up looking like Princess Peach, but he definitely hasn't turned up looking like Super Mario. And whose idea was a Nintendo themed couple costume, anyway? This was meant to be a real fancy costume party! Not Comic Con!
6. Cryptic Clues Regarding The Many Mysteries You've Been Puzzling Over For Months Start Appearing Everywhere
In PLL: Not going to pay attention to that. It's totally irrelevant.
IRL: OMG — this changes everything. I need to over analyse every aspect of this clue and figure out every underlying meaning, ever.
7. Awful, Terrible Things Keep Happening, Should You Call Someone (Like The Cops, Maybe?) For Help?
In PLL: Hell no! We've got this covered. And we'll obviously never let anything terrible happen again.
IRL: Shut up and call the Police, already!
8. Your Tormenter Keeps Threatening You Via Group Text
In PLL: Happily continue to allow A to make contact with you via your phone, even though all she does is make you absolutely miserable.
IRL: Block the number, destroy the phone, maybe even pick up a few cheap burner cells so you can still enjoy group text time with your besties without a psychotic, manipulative and murderous outside party interfering with the whole set up.
9. Dramatic PDA With Your Crush
In PLL: Pick each other up, swing them around, and kiss them in the rain whilst a camera spins around you. Sometimes you might even want to run into each others arms.
IRL: You want to make out? In public? And in the rain? Aint no way I'm getting my hair wet, fella. And put me down before you hurt yourself, people are watching.
10. Someone Breaks Into Your Room While You're In It
In PLL: Don't suspect a thing until the last minute when your Liars sense starts tingling.
IRL: You felt a distinct disturbance in the standard air flow of your room and are hiding under the bed with a baseball bat, already.
11. Something Bad Happens At Every Big Event Which Requires You Wear A Beautiful Gown
In PLL: Make the outfits even bigger and better than last time and don't put any safety provisions in place to protect you and your crew should things go a bit wrong again.
IRL: Who are we kidding? Exactly the same as above except with cleverly concealed weapons for protection.
It feels like an eternity until PLL returns to our screens again, and you know what's really grim about that? Real life is a poor substitute for PLL life.
Images: ABCFamily; Giphy (11)