If you're anything like me, then you probably have a whole list of weird things you only do when you're alone, and then another list of even weirder things you only do when you're alone in the bathroom. Personally, when I think about how little alone time most women get to enjoy on a daily basis, between working, socializing, commuting, and running errands, it makes me feel like the weird stuff women do when they're in the bathroom alone isn't really that weird at all. Because unless you live alone, work exclusively from home, and rarely leave your house, there are probably some days when the time you spend alone in the bathroom is the only alone time you get all day.
If you've ever taken a bathroom break at work just so you could have five minutes to sit alone somewhere quiet, or you make a habit of checking out your own ass every time you find yourself alone in front of a bathroom mirror, or you've been known to give yourself the occasional pre-sex, bathroom mirror pep-talk, then you already know about the weird stuff women do in the bathroom.
Here are 15 weird things women do in the bathroom when no one's watching.
1. Check Out Our Own Butts
I think it's pretty ridiculous how much I look at my own ass in bathroom mirrors, but I'm pretty sure this is something most women do. Women are so conditioned to obsess over their appearance that it's really not surprising how much we check out our own butts when no one's watching. That said, it can be a very body positive action to check yourself out if you make sure to appreciate what you see.
2. Respond To Online Dating Messages While We're On The Toilet
Hell, I even downloaded (and then almost immediately deleted) the Tinder app while I was in the bathroom once. I realize this is pretty weird, and maybe a little funny, but I also know that I'm not the only person who takes their phone into the bathroom to catch up on her dating apps. In fact, I don't know anyone (male or female) who doesn't scroll their smartphone while they're on the toilet these days.
3. Make Crazy Faces In The Bathroom Mirror
I always check out my face before I leave the bathroom, and I think that's perfectly normal. In fact, I feel like periodically making sure I don't have any boogers in my nose or mascara goop collecting in the corners of my eyes is basically a public service.
Sometimes, though, I can't help but feel seriously annoyed by how much time I spend making sure I look presentable for other people. Especially since they probably don't care all that much about how I look to begin with. If I'm alone in the bathroom when these thoughts hit me, I feel required to make some ugly faces at myself, and I don't think I'm alone in this.
4. Give Ourselves A Pre-Sex Pep Talk
If you're anything like me, then you've probably given yourself more pre-sex, pre-job interview, or mid-high bathroom-mirror-pep-talks than you can remember. And if by some chance you haven't done this, you should give it a try. Yes, it looks and feels a little weird to talk to your reflection, but there's really nothing abnormal about thinking out loud and taking a minute to center yourself. Especially when no one's watching.
5. Drink On The Toilet
Sometimes you just want to use the bathroom and finish your beer at the same time, and I totally get that. I can't tell you how many beers I've finished while on the toilet. Is that weird? I'm sure of it. Is it fun as hell when no one's watching, though? Absolutely.
6. ... And Eat
OK, so I rarely do this one, because it's difficult to manage and a little bit unsanitary. That said, I'm not above snacking on the toilet. I've eaten my fair share of purse candy while sitting on the pot, and I'm sure I'm not the only woman who can admit to that.
7. Sit On The Pot Just To Rest Our Legs & Feet
You can't really do this one unless you're alone, because hogging the bathroom when you don't technically have to use it is pretty rude. But if you've ever worked in retail, food service, healthcare, or any other industry that requires you to stand for hours at a time, then you've probably gone to the bathroom just to sit on the toilet and rest your feet and legs before. I know I have. I mean, it just makes sense. A 30 minute break for a 10 hour shift just isn't enough; and while lunch breaks are always timed, most managers aren't going to time your bathroom breaks.
8. Just Fart Super Loud
There's nothing quite like the feeling of being able to fart super loud in the privacy of an empty women's room. Personally, I've gone to the bathroom just so I could fart as loudly and freely as possible without fear of judgement; and I bet you have, too.
9. Wash Our Stinky Armpits In The Bathroom Sink
Hey, just because your deodorant boasts 24-hour protection doesn't mean it's true. Unfortunately, sometimes a spur of the moment, underarm-sink-bath is necessary. It may not be the sexiest thing in the world, but I think we can all agree it beats walking around with dank armpits.
10. Check Our Noses For Boogers
I'm pretty sure I do this almost every time I use the bathroom. I mean, picking/blowing your nose is kind of gross, but walking around with bats in the cave is way worse.
11. Wonder If We Should Change Our Tampon After Pooping
The answer is yes, you should. But it's the worst when you get in the stall and realize you didn't bring a replacement.
12. Trim Our Toenails/Fingernails While We're On The Toilet
There's nothing weird about trimming your nails. But if you clip your nails while you're on the pot, like I frequently do when I'm in the bathroom alone, then it adds a bit of a weird factor to the whole process.
13. Check Out Our Vag Pre-Sex
Whether it's to double-check that we didn't accidentally leave a tampon in our vaginas, or to make sure there aren't any stray pieces of lint or toilet paper hanging on down there, I feel like this is a pretty standard step in most of our pre-sex rituals. And, obviously, it's the kind of weird thing we only do in the bathroom when no one's watching.
14. Check Our Underwear For Period Blood
Periods are nothing to be ashamed of, and neither is period blood. But if you're anything like me, then you've probably made a habit of checking your underwear and pants for period blood leakage when you're on your period and in the bathroom alone.
15. Check Our Chin For Hairs
Not all women feel the need to get rid of their facial hair, and that's awesome. However, for those of us who prefer to showcase as little facial hair as possible, alone time in the bathroom often means waxing, nairing, and tweezing away unwanted, upper-lip peach fuzz and that one hair that will always grow out of our chin.
Images: Bustle; Giphy/(15)